Sunday, March 19, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 18 #JoinMyJourney

It's been a bit since my last post and I was basically off Gluten except for a few bights here and there... That is until last weeks vacation... Alot of friends were asking how I was feeling and I thought I was doing pretty good, but I wasn't quite sure to what extent... Well I decided since I was on vacation, that meant it was going to be a foodie free for all... Well, guess what... Brain fog came rolling back in, the tiredness creeped back in and my tingly fingers were a little tinglier... I'm not saying it was like I had none of those symptoms and than BAM, they were back... I am saying I noticed a difference in how I felt being off Gluten for a month and then when I was eating it again...

So may be sceptical and that is fine, but I feel like I pay more attention to what my body is telling me now than I did before... I want to be better... I be healthier and have energy and not get migraines, which I ended the week with a mild one...

Now on to something else that has been laying on my heart for a few weeks and I need to get rid of it so I can move on... I will sane in my life that may it now and than that is that... I had a situation a few weeks ago where so one thoughtlessly said something to me that really hurt me... It hurt me on so many levels but most of all because this person is very close to me and they don't think what they said is wrong... And they are unappologetic for it... But I will forgive them regardless because it's who I am and I love them enough to do so... And I refuse to carry this around any longer...

I won't go into detail as to why they said what they said but in the end, they retorted with, "Well, you aren't a Parent." At that point I stopped them and made a few points, which I will not share the privacy of that moment but I will share this... People that use that phrase need to seriously think before they ever speak... Those are some of the most hurtful things in the world a person can say depending on the recipient... And at the point in time, it tore my heart out and I will admit it still hurts thinking about it... You see, I do bring up the fact that I was molested as a child from time to time, but the older I get the more I realize what that truly does to diffrerent people... And when this person i love very much said that too me, it brought up so many things in my life that I thought I had already dealt with...

Some people that have battled the memories of abuse go from one relationship to the next, hoping to fill that space that the person took from them... The innocence they stole... For me, I built a wall around myself... I used food to build my body up as a shelter, so that no one would find me attrative or appealing and that way I could avoid contact... To avoid intamacy... Being around certain men still make me extremely nervous, I don't know why, it's my bodies natural reaction... Internally I feel like cowering away... Does this sound like a person ready to jump into bed and make a baby???

You see, I may not have ever given birth, but I have helped raise a child or two in my life... I have hundreds of "babies" through work that call me their Mama... Actually 10 years worth... I have even received a mother's day card or two, and not just from my 5 cats...

So yes, I forgive them...

musicsongbird

moving forward...