Sunday, May 14, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 21 #JoinMyJourney

I wish there was a magic wand that I could wave and all of my mixed emotions would just go away... I guess that is why I got my peace tattoo on my wrist... It isn't magic but it is a good reminder of when I start to feel overwhelmed that I need to try and find peace... Sometimes, I can just stop and look at it, sometimes I simply press it and I just focus on it and pray... There is so much going on with work for me right now and this week especially and I know I am going to really be going to be focusing on it quite a bit... 

The same thing goes for when I become disappointed about something or someone... Try as I may in not feeling sad about something they did or didn't do I try and focus on God's peace and knowing He will get me through it and even though that person may have let me down, God won't ever...

I guess I am just a bundle of emotions right now and need to find my peace...

musicsongbird

Friday, May 12, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 20 #JoinMyJourney

A new day is here and the sun rose and the birds sang and I managed get outside and enjoy the day... We went to a local Blueberry farm and picked fresh blueberries, infact we picked over 9 pounds of them... So I guess my blogging/venting really helped me last night because that wasn't all I did today... I came home and napped afterward... LOL  OK that really isn't any different than most of my weekends but when I got up I wasn'twearing my pajamas... wait a minute... it's not what you think... I wasn't wearing them when I layed down for the nap to start with... Nope, not sounding any better... OK, rewind... What is "normal" around my home is go out for Friday errands and when we come home it out of regular clothes and into pajamas... Well today, I left my regular clothes on and when the nap was over it was up and out the door for groceries and then when we returned home it wasn't into PJs and straight to the couch... Nope, I can hardly believe it myself, but I actually went out and helped do some work in the yard... 

Honestly, I am not sure who I am at this moment or if I am dreaming but I acctually put my laundry in the machine and then grabbed the weed wacker and went out to the yard and started working for a good half hour... Then when all was said and done outside, I came inside and made us breakfast for dinner... We had gluten free blueberry pancakes made with FRESH handpicked blueberries... They were outstanding!

Now as I sit here typing away and look back at the day, I hope I can have many more days like this... Where at the end of the day, I am tired, but good tired and my tummy is full from good healthy things... And my mind is feeling somewhat at peace... 

There are still things going on that I must face, but if I take them a moment at a time, I think it will be that much easier...  If I look at each issue like I take on picking blueberries, I think things will go much better... I know I have your attention... When you reach in to pick from a blueberry bush you have to be very mindful, you don't just rush in and grab everything all at once like when they cut off bundles of grapes... With blueberries you have to pay attention to the color... On one single stem, even in a bundle of  blueberries their can be many berries in various stages of ripening... You could have a blossom that has yet to develop a berry, a white/green one, a green and redish one, a red/blue one or if you get it just right, a deep blue one...  You want to try and pick the darker berries, because like the saying goes, "The darker the berry the sweeter the juice." 

So, if I pay attention to each problem and choose to handle them in the right order and in the right way, I won't get over zealous and end up with a hand full of sour berries... Now is this a fool proof plan? No, because I am only human and even I grab an off color sour berry now and then, but I know right away when I do because I get a bad taste in my mouth and it shows me that I need to change my behavior and be more careful or more mindful when I get off track... 

Before now, no do overs like before, no starting over, we just keep moving forward from where we are... And hope that we learn from our past mistakes or atleast take something with us along the way that will remind us not to repeat those past errors...

musicsongbird

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 19 #JoinMyJourney

Long time no write... Out of town guests and unwanted illness have invaded my life over the past month... Not that I haven't wanted to share but not had the strength from day to day sometimes...Sometimes it's physical strength and sometimes it's honestly mental.... Just making it through work and making it home when you are not feeling yourself is hard enough...

So much has been happening and so much to say, but still feeling like something is holding me back... Part of it is things I can't officially share yet and part of it is I feel like I am repeating things I have written before, the same old same old... The I filled my mind and the page with promises and nowI have failed on those and now I feel like I am just spewing the same thing again about, now here I am at the beginning of a journey...

Well guess what? I started to climb up the hill to better health and I got to a place where I thought I was doing ok and I hit a bump and rolled back down the hill past where I started... Now I am covered in bruises and cuts (all mental) and I am feeling down on myself because I look in the mirror at myself and I see someone looking back at me that I don't like looking at... Even less than I did 3 months ago...

The goal then was to go off Gluten and Night shade. Well that lasted about a month and then visitors came and I happily jumped off the wagon and have been hoping back on and off since never being able to fully jump back on... However, the good thing is that here at home,  we have cut back on starches with our meals and added a LOT more Veggies!!!! And while I have cut downon my bread intake, when I do have I tend to over indulge... So while there are so positives, there are many negatives that are out weighing them...

Now I am not looking for sympathy but more solidarity because there is strength in numbers, and if I know there are others who are struggling in the same manormaybe we can face this together... I have been sick for about 6 weeks or so with sinus issues and what have you and I am still struggling some with breathing but it's getting better and so exercising for any length of time is laborous right now... But the ultimate goal is to get active again...

So whether you are a silent observer or an active part of the conversation, I encourage you to join in on this continuing journey with me... We are here to encourage, not discourage and remember, before starting any kind of health change or exercise program, talk with your doctor!!!

musicsongbird

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 18 #JoinMyJourney

It's been a bit since my last post and I was basically off Gluten except for a few bights here and there... That is until last weeks vacation... Alot of friends were asking how I was feeling and I thought I was doing pretty good, but I wasn't quite sure to what extent... Well I decided since I was on vacation, that meant it was going to be a foodie free for all... Well, guess what... Brain fog came rolling back in, the tiredness creeped back in and my tingly fingers were a little tinglier... I'm not saying it was like I had none of those symptoms and than BAM, they were back... I am saying I noticed a difference in how I felt being off Gluten for a month and then when I was eating it again...

So may be sceptical and that is fine, but I feel like I pay more attention to what my body is telling me now than I did before... I want to be better... I be healthier and have energy and not get migraines, which I ended the week with a mild one...

Now on to something else that has been laying on my heart for a few weeks and I need to get rid of it so I can move on... I will sane in my life that may it now and than that is that... I had a situation a few weeks ago where so one thoughtlessly said something to me that really hurt me... It hurt me on so many levels but most of all because this person is very close to me and they don't think what they said is wrong... And they are unappologetic for it... But I will forgive them regardless because it's who I am and I love them enough to do so... And I refuse to carry this around any longer...

I won't go into detail as to why they said what they said but in the end, they retorted with, "Well, you aren't a Parent." At that point I stopped them and made a few points, which I will not share the privacy of that moment but I will share this... People that use that phrase need to seriously think before they ever speak... Those are some of the most hurtful things in the world a person can say depending on the recipient... And at the point in time, it tore my heart out and I will admit it still hurts thinking about it... You see, I do bring up the fact that I was molested as a child from time to time, but the older I get the more I realize what that truly does to diffrerent people... And when this person i love very much said that too me, it brought up so many things in my life that I thought I had already dealt with...

Some people that have battled the memories of abuse go from one relationship to the next, hoping to fill that space that the person took from them... The innocence they stole... For me, I built a wall around myself... I used food to build my body up as a shelter, so that no one would find me attrative or appealing and that way I could avoid contact... To avoid intamacy... Being around certain men still make me extremely nervous, I don't know why, it's my bodies natural reaction... Internally I feel like cowering away... Does this sound like a person ready to jump into bed and make a baby???

You see, I may not have ever given birth, but I have helped raise a child or two in my life... I have hundreds of "babies" through work that call me their Mama... Actually 10 years worth... I have even received a mother's day card or two, and not just from my 5 cats...

So yes, I forgive them...

musicsongbird

moving forward...

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 17 #JoinMyJourney

So it has been over a month now and I have to say, going Gluten-free isn't the hardest thing in the world to do, but it also isn't the easiest... I think the hardest thing through all of this is giving up night shade veggies... Tonight was a very unsuccessful night for that... I ate tomatos and peppers and if I pay some sort of price for it, it was worth it... I hope...

The easy part of being gluten-free is the home side of it... It's easy to eliminate eatting it at home... The hard part is when you go out, or just leave home in general, unless you bring your own food with you... I totally feel for people that have a severe allergy...

The other hard part about going gluten-free is the police... Now I don't meant he kind that carry a badge and a gun and give out tickets...  I mean the well meaning friends and family that feel as though they need to watch everything that you put in your mouth as if you aren't already reading labels yourself... And believe me... I have had words with a few... As much as I appreciate it, I am so sorry to anyone I have policed in the past... It's NOT NICE!!! If I ask for your help it is one thing, but if I don't, then just STOP!!!

Keep in mind, I am going gluten-free to see if I truly feel better... I am trying to eliminate several things right not but my body is out of wack right now and I am not sure what is helping and what isn't. So until I am truly 100% clean of whatever items, I'm not going to really know how I am feeling... Plus, stress is a huge factor I need to learn to deal with better as well...

So, eliminating glute, night shades and limiting stress are things I am working on... So more updates are soming, and more blogs as well... Not to exciting tonight, but it's a start...

Be Happy!
Musicsongbird

Friday, February 10, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 16 #JoinMyJourney

So we are officially 10 days in on the Gluten-free life and it hasn't really been that bad to be perfectly honest... I have friends that have been living GF for some time and I get mixed feelings from them on it... Some say it is super difficult and others say it isn't that bad... Well, if you just make the deicision to keep a positive poutlook on it and just know that no matter where you go to eat, you will more than likely be able to find something you can consume, you are ok... Now, I am only speaking for those of us that are going to GF for a chance to see if this is a means to a better life... Meaning, I am going to feel better over all... I am not speaking for those that are allergic or suffer from celiac disease... I am also NOT a doctor or a nutritionist... I am only speaking from my own personal experience...

My Mom and I have really just been tracking how we have been feeling physically and emotionally because like I have said before, both are closely tied... I have personally been on an emotional roller coaster this week but I don't think that has anything to do with the food and everything to do with stress... With that aside, I haven't been as tired as I normally am, I don't feel like a nap is as neccessary and I have in the past... In fact, Mom and I have been running around all day today shopping, hunting down didn't gluten-free products among other things and usually by the time we roll into the neighborhood we are both ready for a marathon snooze... Not today, we went outside and Mom watered her plants, I carried out some extra jugs for her, and now I am getting ready to make dinner and afterwards, I am taming myself out on a Date!

Doing a little something just for me!  Like I have said before... I don't know if it's the more concetrated attack on paying attention to our eating or the omission of gluten and a few other items, but I am already feeling Stronger!!! I haven't noticed a physical change yet, but I fully expect it...

Sometimes all you can do is take a giant leap of faith and know that you will land on solid ground...

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 15 #JoinMyJourney

I am feeling so good today... I don't know if it's psychosomatic or if it's really because we have been eating differently with this elimination life choice, I hate the D word, but I am noticing I am  more energetic throughout the day...  Now it's a matter of waiting... Waiting to see if the numbness in my hands subside... Waiting to see if the swelling in my fingers lessen...  Waiting to see if my weight goes down, which in turn will help with the joint pain I am experiencing... Also if my sensitivity i have to touch and my emotional sensitivity I have been experiencing as well...

Everything within us is connected... So you are reading this saying, yes of course it is, the skeletal system, the nervous system, digestion, etcetera... But it goes beyond that... You hear the term garbage in, garbage out... That applies to our bodies in so many ways... If we intake food that is bad for us, so for me, it's the food my food is considering toxic, like gluten for instance; if I am consuming it then I am going to feel sluggish and run down and basically my nervous system is going to be hyper sensitive to the world around it... So if I put good things in my body like lean proteins and veggies that are on my good list, then I will feel better and have more energy and less pain... Hooray!

Now the same thing goes for our mental health... If I am constantly living in a negative mental state... I am working in a stressed filled envioronment, where I never ask for help to ease the burden; or I am always looking at things from the negative and never try to look at the positive of things, then all I am ever going to give off is negative... I am going to have a much harder time finding happiness in my life and an unhappy stressful life can cause a lot more sickness in your life than you even realize...

Sometimes the hardest thing you can do is walk away from a negative relationship, but the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to walk away... If you are constantly being goaded into things someone or by others just so they can get a reaction from you, that isn't a healthy relationship... It's physically, emotionally and mentally draining... Not to mention, it gets really old really fast... So I know as I continue this journey, I will be walking away from people I once called friend, but for me, I have to be healthy, I only have this life, I don't get a second chance and I have to stop wasting it on frivolis arguments that in the light of eternity, don't really matter...

I just want to be healthy...

Musicsongbird

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 14 #JoinMyJourney

So we are 4 days into a new month and a new eating plan in our household... My mom has been living with fibromyalgia for sometime and I have shown many of the symptoms so we have decided to start following the recommendations that many medical professionals are making for those that live with this condition...

So the items we are going to do away with for now and see how our symptoms improve are Gluten, Night Shade plants and added sugars... We know many people eliminate caffeine and dairy but we don't eat a huge amount of dairy since we switched to almond milk years ago and we usually only have one cup of coffee a day at the most or iced tea if we have any.... I already stay away from artificial sweetners because they are the one of migraine triggers... It's pure sugar, agave or honey for me...

So the reason I bring up the artificial sweetner is this... I know so many people who are headache or migraine sufferers and they don't know why... You really need to pay attention to what happen prior to the onset... What did you eat, where were you at and who were you around? I have had them triggered by a change in the weather, in altitude when traveling from St. Louis to Wisconsin and there was a huge barometric weather change... Am I having a hormonal chage? But the biggest one lately was from food choice...

When you know you have certain things you shouldn't be eating, like artifical sweetner, you have to realize it comes with different names... You have to be wise and do your home work... For so long I was always looking for phenylenaline... But now they have gotten a little sneakier and this is where I got tripped up... I thought I was doing really well when I started eating Greek Yogurt because of the good bacterias and what not and then I thought, well this brand is only 80 calories, so this must be REALLY good... The headaches didn't start right away but after a week or two of eating this "Light" Yogurt I was feeling groggy at my desk mid morning and I started getting frequent headaches... Then almost a month ago I woke up one morning with the worst migraine I had had in years, and what is truly scarey is that I am on prescription medication to prevent these from happening...

It took me almost a month and many more headaches to finally look at the label on one of the yogurts to realize that a few words into the ingredients, it said Sucralose... This is an artifial sweetner that is not able to be digested by the body and that makes it noncaloric and that is why many companies use it to make many items "Light"... So now I am being an even more avid label reader...

If you hvae never had to worry about what you put in your body, count yourself blessed... If you do as I do then know my heart is with you... Also know we are in this together, one bite at a time!

musicsongbird

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 13 #JoinMyJourney

It's been sometime since my last post and I have like so many others screwed any resolutions I had made to myself so now it's just me being me again and back to where I started... Feeling a little more broken than before. Feeling tired, feeling defeated and just not sure which direction to go next...

Don't worry, Mom knows what is going on... She is helping me with this new battle, we are fighting it together... We think we know what may be causing some of my issues, the cause of my present mental state and we are praying that path we are chosing is one that will lead us to the answers... Maybe even the answers to some other questions that I can share later on, but for now I ask for your Prayer and happy thoughts as I begin a quest if you will to get out of this fog I am currently drifting through...

Some are probably thinking what is this all about? Well, for the past month or two I have just not been feeling like me... I have gained all of the weight back that I lost, my mood behind the mask, if you will, is a roller coaster. It's almost as if I don't take a happy pill... I have no motivation to do the things I used to love to do... It's hard to talk to people about it because I am the strong one, the life of the party... But it's so hard to be all of that when I feel shattered inside...

I know I need to get back into the habit of Bloging because I feel like it is my voice and I know it helps, even if only a few are reading...

Until my next blog... be nice to each other and care for each other...

Musicsongbird