Sunday, August 14, 2016

8.14.2016

I have really been struggling internally lately with things, but it's those things that dwell in the back of my mind that don't have words... They are just stirring emotions without any substance and all I can do is pray and ask God to handle them for me so I don't have a melt down...Again...

I don't want anyone to panic, this happens from time to time... I know I have people I can talk to and I do, but when there are no words, then there is nothing to say...

For those of you that have never dealt with depression, it's so hard to explain... I know I have said this before and I will say it again... Please be patient and don't rush us... When we are ready to talk we will and don't get angry if we decide we just need a little time to ourselves... It's nothing against you, but we need that time for our own sanity...

We hide our pain inside because we have to be strong for others to often... And sometimes our strength just gives out and we need a rest for a bit...

If this is too much for you to take, please be honest... We can handle more than you will ever believe... We have handled so much already...

And depression doesn't always mean sad... for now for me it's a combination of things... things I can't quite... well, i've already said it...

Maybe I will be me in the morning, or maybe in a day or in a week, but for this moment... nothing left to say...

Saturday, August 6, 2016

8.6.2016

Life has been anything but normal lately... for over 188 days I have been working on a huge project... Well, I have been not always been actively working on it, but I have been pursuing this project... You might call it a Home Improvement Project... A DIY even... Except for once, I decided I couldn't truly do it alone anymore...

On Tuesday, I completed a 15 week Healthy You class at Our Center for Living Well where I work... A class that combined the Nutritional, Mental and Physical Fitness aspects that we need to make healthier decisions for our selves... During the time frame of the class I have lost 10 pounds which for some may not seem like much, but for me, I will take it...

For someone who has lived the ups and downs of weight gain and weightloss, every loss is a win and a step closer to my goal...

Which brings me to probably the biggest truth I have been contemplating for awhile and one I can not take back once I have posted it... So this is my huge step of faith... Not in anyone that reads this but in my own self... For years I have preached to the young ladies that I have helped costume at my current job and to all of the women I helped sell clothing to in my retail past, it's just number, it has no power other than the power we give it... And oddly enough we have the power to change it, big or small...

On January 13th of this year I weighed in on my Spark People account at 358 pounds. Now if you put that in perspective, I weighed roughly the equivalent of 1,432 sticks of butter.

Now as of my weigh in yesterday I am happy to say I weigh the same as 1,320 sticks of butter or 330.4 pounds. (that's 27.6 pounds gone) So if you want to put it in perspective Defensive Tackle Mike Pennel of the Green Bay Packers is 6'4" and weighs in a 332 and he is a NFL player and nearly a foot taller than me...  But I don't think I am getting drafted anytime soon...

It's just a number, it doesn't define me... It doesn't run my life... Knowing I am lowering that number and making my quality of life better is my goal... I am so thankful to the team from my Healthy you class for giving me the tools to help me realize I really can do this... That it's ok to make mistakes, that it's ok to stop and evalute my progress and if it's not working the way I am doing it, I can try it a different way... But I KNOW I CAN'T GIVE UP ON ME!!!!

The number on the scale does NOT define who I am...

People are probably going what in the world drove me to share something like this???

I will say it this simply... and I will end for today...

3 things happened...

A friend noticed and told me and encouraged me...

A "familiar stranger" noticed and told me...and encouraged me...

A friend stood up for me... and it encouraged me...


The number on the scale does NOT define who You are...