Sunday, June 5, 2016

6.5.16

So 126 days in and 22 pounds down and feeling pretty good physically but mentally I am struggling within myself still on a daily basis and I know that will happen because I am human. I know I should be getting out there and exercising and working out and all sorts of things but right now mentally all I can handle is the dietary changes and tracking how many steps I am taking per day and on days like today when I barely broke 1500 I feel like I failed myself somehow. But on the flip side I was under my calories, just barely and I should be happy, but I guess it's just a case of the throwing other feelings I am going through into the container and slamming the lid shut on them kind of day to deal with them later.

Sometimes all you can do is take one step at a time and for me, my step is getting the calories under control. I still struggle with wanting to over eat and so I have to prepackage my breakfast and lunches for work and Mom and I menu plan our dinners so I know what to expect caloric wise. Some days are great and others not so great but its all about portions control and being mindful of what I put into my body.

I am glad I decided to start using My Fitness Pal again and I am glad my Mom is so willing to let me cook healthier for us because let me tell you, she is looking great! The hard part for me, because I am much bigger than her is that when you carry more weight it is harder to notice when you lose the same amount of weight as someone else. When we look at photos from 3 months ago you can see a pretty significant difference for her, but not for me. All I can do is go by how my clothes are starting to fit differently and for now I will have to take it.

People are over weight for many different reasons, mine was self made as I have said before. It started out as a hiding place and it just became more and more of a comfort. Well, now that I have found a freedom from my past fears, I don't need that shelter or comfort any longer and like therapy I have to begin the journey of shedding the layers I have built up after all of these years of abusing my body. Like a child learns to walk and talk, I have to learn how to feed myself properly and then I have to strengthen my body with exercise.

But all of this in my time... one step at a time... my journey...

Musicsongbird