Sunday, March 6, 2016

3.6.2016

So this is my second attempt at blogging this month... Last night was the first... For the past 24 hours this was a blank page because at first I thought I knew what I wanted to say and then at the last minute I crapped out... I know it has been a month since I last wrote and so many thoughts have passed through this mind of mine and gone to waste but I guess there are just times I feel like they aren't worth sharing or they are better left unsaid...

I have been doing a lot of self talk lately because sometimes I am the best one to understand what I am going through... Plus I need to talk myself through it to try and make sense of it or try and handle it...

One thing I have never been secretive about in this blog is my weight battle and I am not about to be... In fact I am tracking it and watching it more than I have in a long time and I am trying to make a valiant effort these days...  Many realizations have hit me recently a big one being I am wasting my life being overweight and when I get sick it is even harder to function being overweight and sick... I got sick at the beginning of the year and that rolled into an upper respiratory infection that stretched out into over a month and a half of coughing and airway restriction which has made it hard to get a full breath without causing a coughing fit...

I know there are people who look at me and think, she can't breathe because she is overweight and out of shape, but let me tell you something, up to a certain weight not to long ago I was what you would call fit fat... I played volleyball, I walked at a quick pace, took the steps and never lost my breathe... And still I rarely experience high blood pressure, but I have slowly creeped up on the scale over the past few years and breathing has gotten more labored when I try to walk to long or up steps or hills and be overly physically active, but my BP stays good thankfully...

But since being sick, I have had a even harder time... I am having a tremendous time taking a deep breath without coughing so getting out the door at work to walk to my closest area is scary and so I have been staying away or when I have to go, I drive the short distance...

Well, today I finally got brave... I had to go to meet a trainee and where I had to take them really didn't have vehicle access so I mustered all of my strength and I said a little prayer and I headed out the door or the office. I made to the other building and then on to the location and then back to my office... It wasn't easy and I had to take it a little slower than I used to in the past, but I am happy to say that after over 2 months of being basically office bound I did it... And today was just the start...

If I can take on this lung issue, I can battle the weight issue even harder... I still have to do it my way, but I will do it...

Musicsongbird

"Never give up, Never surrender!" - Tim Allen "Galaxy Quest"