Wednesday, January 13, 2016

1.13.2016

    Sometimes you laugh to cover the tears...
I had an over all good day today... Nothing remotely terrible in fact... At one point a friend sent me a virtual drink through Instant messenger and when I inquired why, she replied that she didn't like to drink alone... Which of course caused me to reply with many lols... Of course do not worry, the only drinking we did on the job was water and maybe tea for me and possibly a pop or soda for her... Don't want anyone to think we are up to naughty things in our trailer...

Focusing on being happy has been a great tool in keeping the stresses of every day life at bay, however it can't fix everything... Sometimes little things slip through and we have to face realities that we haven't wanted to admit to ourselves because they hurt to much...

I have been writing this blog off and on for some time now and with a title like Skinny girl in a fat body obviously there are weight battles I deal with on a daily basis... I faced one of my little unhappy feelings tonight while talking with my Mom after helping move somethings out of the shed... You may have said I had an epiphany or may I just had a face slap of truth, but guess what??? Being FAT SUCKS...

I went home, like not Florida home but mid-west home, on an airplane for Christmas to surprise my family and to have to first ask the flight attendant for a seat belt extender and than pray that the flight wouldn't be full and then once I knew it wasn't pray again that no one wanted to sit in my row so I can be extra comfy for the flight so I could spread out that was just the beginning... Next I had to pray they would upgrade my car rental from an itty bitty car to at least the next size up to make sure I could fit in it comfortably to drive, which thankfully when you arrive after a 40 minute delay of taking off to begin with and you don't arrive until after midnight all they have are standard or intermediate they have to upgrade you for free...

The final thing I had to face was waiting for my family to open the door on Christmas morning and see me standing there... I am 78 pounds heavier than I was 9 years ago when I spent my last Christmas with my family... Of course looking at photos that were taken, you won't see me in many, you may hardly be able to tell I was there... At least from any that are on my phone... The ones that I have seen I hate looking at... I don't want to see them posted, they make me want to sob, even though I let my mom post the few that I may be in on her FB page...

Maybe this is my rock bottom, maybe this is what I finally needed... but I know what I don't need... A 1000 coaches... A 1000 comments of advice... I don't do well with people bombarding me, telling me what I should or shouldn't do... So please, as I have asked before, be a good cheerleader on the sideline and when you see a touchdown or even a field goal please cheer me on...

musicsongbird...