Sunday, August 30, 2015

2015...8.30

If you don't care for a parent or a loved one you probably won't understand but maybe this will help you understand what someone goes through that does... Maybe you know or maybe you don't but I live with my amazing 71 almost 72 year young mom... It is my pleasure to share my life and home with her... Which it is actually her home but it is our home but anyway we are roomies and we take care of each other...However it is slowly becoming me taking care of her and it's OK...

And I say that because for  most of my life she has taken care of me... Because that is what parents are there for... They made us... and the good ones watch over us and still try and take care of us, even when we don't necessarily want them too, even though we secretly want them too, but we don't want to admit it...

Well, this past Friday my sweet Mom had carpal tunnel surgery and being the only child living with her and living near her, I had to take her to the surgery center and wait and be there to speak with the doctor and laugh with the nurse and then sit awkwardly by as the nurse dressed her following the surgery... Now I said sit awkwardly is because I felt like she was taking my job... I thought, "Hey, why are you doing that? That's my job..." But as I watched her, she was just as gentle and patient and maybe slightly more patient as I would have been. She treated her like she probably treats her own mom... It made me smile...

When I texted my middle brother I told him Mom only had the left wrist done, he text back an inside joke about not having to help mom in a certain awkward situation, which I of course LOL'd right back... But of course Saturday night God had a funny way of paying me back for that because I ended up helping mom take a shower... We will just leave it at that... But I will say this...

I find myself extremely humbled by this experience and I realize just how much a parent does for their child... And just what we take for granted... I realize I have so much to give back and if it means doing something I never thought I would do, I will smile and reassure my Mom it's ok, and I will do it, because she is my Mom and I love her...

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

2015...8.18

I don't know which way is up right now... A lot of internal struggle going on... Work is fine for once... Things slowing down... Starting to make sense... But personally coming to many conclusions in my mind after a great staycation with the SIL... Sister in Law... Thoughts about personal fears and such, things I am not really ready to reveal... Not feeling confident in how much I truly wish to share...

Another wall I must learn to go over, or better yet bust through but this one is going to need huge dynamite... This one is going to need something even bigger than what it took to realize that I am a survivor... 

Because admitting you are a survivor is one thing, facing fears that come with being one is a whole new journey...

On top of it I am dealing with emotions over another situation involving someone near and dear that I want to talk to them about something but am afraid to broach the subject because I feel as though they already know how I feel but I don't think they are ready to truly discuss what they are feeling so all I can do is patiently wait until they are ready... And hope they feel as though they will confide in me and come to me when they feel the time is right for them...

So for now, please be patient my lovely friends and be ready when I need you...

musicsongbird