Wednesday, June 3, 2015

2015...6.3

It absolutely amazes me what I am learning about myself and the world around me this week and I feel a bit of a roll coming on...

First I have to say I took myself on a date this past week and allowed some time for myself, just me. No texting friends, but going out and seeing a movie, doing some shopping and just having some alone time and it was quite refreshing... Then I did something I don't normally do, I took a vacation day so I could go to a doctor's appointment or two and then spend some time with the bestie... And I had an incredibly fun and relaxing day... I laughed, I cried a little, I laughed some more, I may have screamed once... maybe twice, just to get a reaction from BFF really and I learned something about myself...

I have always had an extremely hard time expressing myself when I am confronted face to face in a personal situation... Work not so much but personal definitely... Ask the BFF... But when it comes to writing out my thoughts and feelings and emotions I could go on for days... And the way I see it is that I find that if I have to speak a truth or express myself it is easier through writing because I don't have to face the reaction on the receiving end right away... I believe when I was being abused, like other children I was told not to tell or something bad would happen and because of that it has caused me to have a hard time communicating my personal feelings on things sometimes on a count it might hurt someone and bad things can happen... Its also probably why my 1st grade teacher saw me as quiet and grouchy because I was withdrawn...

Maybe I have such a vivid imagination even now because my mind never wants to face what truly happened all of those years ago... I know that is why I am still battling the weight... I know that is still why I battle the depression... These are the reasons I chose happiness... These are the reasons I don't let my past rule my life... I don't let circumstances rule my life... I simply take each moment as it comes and say Lord, can you help me through this?

Is every day easy?  No

Can I find joy in every day? Absolutely...

Because every day you are still breathing and can feel the sun on your face or the wind in your hair is worth celebrating...

Once this life is gone, it's gone...

Stop making excuses for why your life is wrong and make a decision to make things right...

Have an attitude of Gratitude instead of one of self pity...

If you can't love yourself... how in the "world"
are you gonna love someone else...-RuPaul

Musicsongbird