Saturday, January 17, 2015

2015...1.17

Today has been a struggle... Who am I kidding, most of the week has been a struggle... I started off with the doctors appointment telling me I still have bronchitis and I missed 2 days of work because of it... Then on Tuesday I started experiencing this insane itching all over my back and other spots on my body... After realizing it wasn't a flea attack from the cats, and knowing I hadn't changed anything in my soaps or detergents, I came to the conclusion that it was probably the antibiotic I had started Sunday...

Well, I am on a new antibiotic and an anti-itch medicine, I am starting to feel better... Except that I had a horrible coughing fit today and as what I can best describe as a mental meltdown... My head just couldn't take much else at that point and I lost it... Tears pouring down my face for no reason...

But I am here, still breathing, although labored from time to time... I realize now that it was fear running rampant today because the itching in my back really reminds me of when my dad was sick... Before they fully diagnosed his lung cancer... His back itched constantly and I just remember scratching his back for him and rubbing lotion on it to try and stop the itching...

I'd be lying if I said I had no fear of what the doctor may or nay not have found in my x-ray, which I will find out on Monday afternoon... But I know that I can just sit back and not be healthy...

I won't go into the amount of crap that went into my body in the past 24 hours... It was ridiculous... Something has to give, something has to change... I have to change...

Please don't take this as an invitation to offer advice... I am saying this right now... This is my battle and if I ask for your help it is one thing, but please don't offer unsolicited advice... I have done so many diets, I have taken so many different products and I know all of the tricks... I have been through weight watchers and health coaches.., I now need to take those tools and make the changes...

My battle
Musicsongbird