Saturday, January 31, 2015

2015...1.31

I don't know if anyone noticed that I return to my original blog title, Skinny Girl in a Fat Girl's Body... But I realized something when I switched it back... I didn't change it because I had a change of mind but because someone else didn't like it... But this is how I feel... I am a skinny girl under all of these layers... These layers of pain and shame I put on my body over the years... And my new goal is to peel them away one pound at a time...

I no longer feel the pain and the shame of my past... Tomorrow begins a new challenge for me... We are doing a Health challenge at work which will require us to not only track the exercise we get but also we will be completing weekly weigh ins.... I am really excited to see where this takes me over the next two months and beyond...

I just know I will take it one step at a time...

Musicsongbird

Monday, January 26, 2015

2015...1.26

If you have never suffered from migraines or had a friend or loved one that has than please don't judge... Many people like me suffer in silence because we don't want to be a burden on anyone...

If you have never suffered from a migraine, let me walk you through what happens to me...

It usually starts out with a dull pain in either my temple or the crown of my head... If I don't do something quick enough, it will gradually grow in pressure... I will start to get the chills and or cold sweats... I lose the color in my face, I go pale... And if it gets bad enough I may lose whatever is in my stomach...

Sometime taking OTC extra strength migraine meds, an ice pack (cold baby chew toy) and a few hours sleep will take care of it, however sometimes the pain doesn't go away completely.... I have had migraines last for days... Where the dull pain hangs on... That's what happened this past weekend...

I am seeking medical help for this continual issue so your prayers are appreciated... I went without having a migraine for years but they have seemed to return with a vengeance....

getting help...
musicsongbird

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

2015...1.20

So this is it... There is a park wide Wellness event beginning February 1st and I am going to participate and really stick to it for it's entirety... Basically it is like the Biggest Loser, but minus Alison, Bob, Dolvett, Jennifer, Jessie, Cheryl, Dr. Huzienga, Dr. Dansinger, a BIG cash prize and corporate sponsors ... See totally the same but very different...

It's an opportunity to have the support of a team, that have a common goal of beating the other teams you are competing against for total bragging rights...and getting healthier in the process  ;)

So, anyone that knows me, knows I have a tendency to make fun of myself so others can't... Total reaction to being bullied as a younger self... Well today was no exception... We were talking about the wellness event and I said, "isn't it funny that the fat girl (meaning myself), is the one leading the health and wellness challenge."  I expected someone to agree with me, but the reaction I received from one co-worker totally took me off guard... She looked me in the eyes and in front of everyone else said that she thinks it's great because maybe I need everyone's support as much as they need mine...

When I was little, in the 6-8 years old range, my oldest brother played football in High School and we would always go to his games... At some point during those years I got a pair of purple and gold pom poms to cheer with, because even though my family would sit up higher in the stands, I always sat near the bottom so I could watch and cheer with the cheerleaders... So I guess it's always been in me to root for others... To cheer on those that don't always get the support... To be the listener when someone needs an ear... Or a shoulder when they need to cry...

There has been so many times in my youth and in my adult life where I just felt like I needed someone to reach out to me, without my having to ask... But then again, no one is really at the game to cheer on the cheerleaders...  Well, this time I am getting my cheers...

Can do...
Musicsongbird


Sunday, January 18, 2015

2015...1.18

Doing better today than yesterday, but that really is the goal isn't it? Welcomed 4 new cast members into my locations and started the goodbyes once again... It's that time of year when my cultural reps begin their final shifts before heading home to begin their lives after Disney...

This isn't my first rodeo with goodbyes, since I have been working for Disney for over 7 years, but there are certain cast members you really get attached to... It's like when you have family that have been visiting and they live in another state and it's time for them to go home, it can become a little emotional... 

I am excited because they are beginning some health challenges at work in the next few weeks and I plan on participating... I remember what it felt like when I played volleyball and it felt so good to be active... What it felt like when I joined a gym all those years ago... 

I need to stop making excuses for what I don't do... Celebrate what I do... And cheer myself on when I make new attempts and succeed... 

I know my limitations, but what disappoints me is that I give up before trying because I am afraid my knee will hurt... Or I am scared I will start coughing... 

I need to realize that I am doing this for me and no one else... I can't care what anyone else thinks because it only really truly effects me when it is all said and done... I am the one that can't do things, I am the one that hurts, I am the one that keeps getting sick... In some ways it does effect others, but the real effect is to myself... 

Doing this for me...
Musicsongbird

Saturday, January 17, 2015

2015...1.17

Today has been a struggle... Who am I kidding, most of the week has been a struggle... I started off with the doctors appointment telling me I still have bronchitis and I missed 2 days of work because of it... Then on Tuesday I started experiencing this insane itching all over my back and other spots on my body... After realizing it wasn't a flea attack from the cats, and knowing I hadn't changed anything in my soaps or detergents, I came to the conclusion that it was probably the antibiotic I had started Sunday...

Well, I am on a new antibiotic and an anti-itch medicine, I am starting to feel better... Except that I had a horrible coughing fit today and as what I can best describe as a mental meltdown... My head just couldn't take much else at that point and I lost it... Tears pouring down my face for no reason...

But I am here, still breathing, although labored from time to time... I realize now that it was fear running rampant today because the itching in my back really reminds me of when my dad was sick... Before they fully diagnosed his lung cancer... His back itched constantly and I just remember scratching his back for him and rubbing lotion on it to try and stop the itching...

I'd be lying if I said I had no fear of what the doctor may or nay not have found in my x-ray, which I will find out on Monday afternoon... But I know that I can just sit back and not be healthy...

I won't go into the amount of crap that went into my body in the past 24 hours... It was ridiculous... Something has to give, something has to change... I have to change...

Please don't take this as an invitation to offer advice... I am saying this right now... This is my battle and if I ask for your help it is one thing, but please don't offer unsolicited advice... I have done so many diets, I have taken so many different products and I know all of the tricks... I have been through weight watchers and health coaches.., I now need to take those tools and make the changes...

My battle
Musicsongbird

Sunday, January 11, 2015

2015...1.11

When is this bronchitis going to go away??? Just when I think I am doing better, BAM, I am sick again... Or still...

When I was checking out at the pharmacy the young lady ringing me out commented on how crazy they have been with people being sick, the x-ray technician that performed my chest x-rays commented on  how a lot of people are coming through sick and then I turn on the radio on the way home to a commercial talking about the flu epidemic going on here in Orlando and I feel thankful it is only acute bronchitis...

Thank you BFF for convincing me to go back to the doctor. I have had some trepidation about going but I know it was what was for my best...

I will now close and tell you all to be well and take good care of yourself... Listen to your body...

musicsongbird

Saturday, January 10, 2015

2015...1.10

I love the days when you wake up and you are ready to do anything... You just feel totally inspired!

Well my day didn't really totally start out that way, mini migraine, slept until 9:30 but after the pain was conquered I was totally ready to do some things...

Mom and I went to our regular hot spot for a cup of joe... #Starbucks We just love their frappucinos... Then it was off on a shopping frenzy... Well maybe not a frenzy but it was certainly enjoyable...

I hauled stones and rock today to help Mom with an outside project and boy do I feel pumped... Sometimes it's just nice to get outside and do something active, which I know I need to do more of...

We watched a great movie, "The Hundred Foot Journey," and had breakfast for dinner... We talked with my Oldest Brother and Sister-in-law and watched one of our favorite cooking shows, The Kitchen...

It doesn't seem like much but this was a great day... Yes we did a lot of stuff but we did it together... We laughed and joked and just had a really food time... We didn't worry about the time or if we were being silly we didn't worry about what others thought... We were just being who we are...

So very often we plan our days down to the second... But sometimes we just need to slow down and do something different... To stop worrying about when this is going to get done or when we are going to have time to do that... We just took it as it comes...

Life is too short... Don't let it pass you buy while you are being to busy or in too much of a hurry... Enjoy the little moments...

Musicsongbird

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

2015...1.7

I went and saw the movie "Annie" tonight with BFF... I have heard mixed reviews but I have to say that I absolutely enjoyed it... I love the original movie but this was a fresh take on an old classic... Quvenzhane Wallis was so good as Annie and I loved Jamie Foxx and Cameron Diaz..

There is an incredible moving song towards the end of the movie sung by Annie, Mr Stacks and Ms. Hannigan...


Who am I, what have I become?
Do I stand for something, or for money?
Who am I, where's my good girl gone?
You know I had a good heart once, you see.

Who am I, now that my armor's gone
I gave you what I didn't know I needed.
Who am I, now that my heart has won?
I didn't know I need....anyone.

(Chorus)
But I've got today, I've got to make,
The best I can of it.
'Cause yesterday is dead and gone,
And me along with it.

I want to start again, so I'll look within
Remember when I'd want in?
'Cause I don't know who I've become
But I will trust in it.
But I will trust in it. 

Who am I to spend my life alone?
Forever looking for some place to call home.
Who am I, about to meet myself?
This should feel right but something don't.

I will trust in it (10x)
But today, I've got to make,
The best I can of it.
'Cause yesterday is dead and gone
And me along with it
I want to start again (spoken and sung)


I feel like this song spoke volumes to me... So very often I find myself making these huge plans and something happens and I begin to doubt myself... That maybe I failed at this same thing before and what makes me think I can do it for certain this time...I need a reminder that yesterday is gone and I need to leave it as such... I need to work for today and what is to come tomorrow... 


musicsongbird

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

2015...1.6

A lot on my mind tonight... A lot I need to think about... Sometimes this isn't the platform for me right away... Some ideas need time before I share them... Some come right away...

Everyone has a story, everyone was their journey, I just hope mine speaks to someone and helps them along their way... Maybe they will learn from my mistakes and successes to help them along their way...

musicsongbird

Monday, January 5, 2015

2015...1.5

It's amazing what you can learn from of all things, Reality TV... Say what you want but Mom and I like watching Sister Wives... I am not here to debate the show and I am just telling you what I have learned from this... One of the sons has Asperger's... 

If you aren't sure what it is???
  a developmental disorder characterized by severely impaired social skills, repetitive behaviors and often, a narrow set of interests, but not involving delayed development of linguistic and cognitive abilities: now considered on of the autism spectrum disorders.

Now, why does it matter that I learned something about this??? Well, my nephew has Asperger's and honestly I never really understood exactly what it was. Well while watching Sister Wives, we heard directly from Dayton, Robyn's Son, what Asperger's is and how it effects him... And the crazy thing is is that as he spoke I felt like it was my nephew talking... All of his mannerisms, his thoughtfulness in the way he spoke... 

Did you know many historical figures were suspected of having Asperger's??? 

Albert Einstein
Benjamin Franklin
Thomas Jefferson
Hans Christian Anderson
Sir Alfred Hitchcock
Jim Henson
Wolfgang Mozart
Jane Austen

These names were great men and women of science, politics, music, literature and entertainment and they didn't let the fact that their minds work a little different to hold them back... 


I see greatness in my nephew and I pray that he will find that one thing that he wants more than ever for himself and achieve it...


musicsongbird












Sunday, January 4, 2015

2015...1.4

Today was a day of laughter... the down side was that if something made me laugh hard enough, the coughing would start.. and the harder I laughed the worse the coughing got... It was almost to the point where I thought I was going to blackout... That's all I need... to laugh so hard that the coughing knocks me out and I wake up on a stretcher in the ER... How would they explain THAT to workman's comp...

No, I was able to calm down and after two puffs on my inhaler and a Halls honey cough drop, I was able to function again... I just can't speak about the jeggings again, until the bronchitis is completely gone...

Sometimes just finding something really inconsequential to laugh at is the best medicine... There have been times lately that I feel like I haven't laughed, like REALLY laughed in a long time and after I do, even if it almost causes me to blackout... I feel so much better...

Find a reason to laugh today... it makes your heart joyful...
musicsongbird

Saturday, January 3, 2015

2015...1.3

We have been working on taking down the Christmas decorations and so I decided to organize them a little more than last year and so I'm not only taking time to find the right spot to place the decorations, I am also remembering Christmas's past...

The one Christmas that stuck in my head was the year my niece and nephew helped me put up the Christmas tree... My nephew was somewhere around 6 years old and my niece was around 13... My nephew had us in stitches with his vivid imagination... He was laying eggs and they were going to hatch... We spent the evening waiting for the "blessed event" and instead of singing Christmas Carols we sang songs from "Thoroughly Modern Millie"...

Not conventional by any means, but it was a special time we spent together... It's the times that make me miss being in Missouri with my family... But then I am reminded that the times they come down here to visit are the new old memories we are making and I cherish everyone...

This Christmas was far from traditional... I spent it with my borrowed family... We had Christmas part 1 on the 23rd, filled with love and laughter and presents, food, wrapping paper fights and many new memories of the youngest nephew's first Christmas, and my first Christmas with my youngest niece... It made my heart smile to see the joy in her face when she opened each gift and how she gave hugs all around thanking everyone... Then celebrating that evening by seeing Christmas Vacation for my first time... It's so funny but I think what made it even funnier is sharing the laughter and jokes with each other...  On Christmas Eve morning we awoke to presents from Santa for the nephews and gift exchanges with the rest of the family... We had a wonderful breakfast and more times to talk and share... and then it was time for BFF and I to head North for one more celebration... I had the opportunity once again to sing at Church, but this time it was for the Christmas Eve Service... I was honored to perform my very favorite Christmas Carol, "O Holy Night"... Following Church Mom, BFF and I headed to Denny's for our annual Christmas Eve dinner... When we were sat it took awhile for our server to come to our table but when we did, I realized it was the same server we had last year... Our dinner was delicious and it was so nice to relive the past few days with my Mom... Then we headed home to exchange our gifts before we all said goodnight...

No, this definitely wasn't a traditional Christmas by any stretch, but since moving here it really hasn't been for many years... But I heard something on the radio that made me realize something... This time of year is when we celebrate the birth of Christ, even though it probably isn't the exact day and it may not even be the right time of year, but this is the time we come together in his honor to spend special times with our family and friends... Some people are able to spend the actual Holiday date together and some celebrate early and some late, but what it comes down to is finding the peace and joy and love in this time of year and carrying it on...

To be honest, when I first moved here it was really hard to realize that my Christmas's weren't ever going to be the same... No Missouri/Illinois Family to celebrate with... To have Queso, Rye Bread Pizzas and White Castles on Christmas Eve and unwrap presents after going to look at Christmas Lights... Then maybe Christmas dinner the next day... No, now maybe we skype or the family passes around the telephone so we get to talk with everyone... It's not the same, but maybe some day we will have the chance to be together for Christmas again...

But for this year, I was happy I was able to see and spend time with my borrowed family, even if the schedule was a little different and spend time with my mom as well...


musicsongbird


Friday, January 2, 2015

2015...1.2

Oh my what a day... Lot's of shopping... Can't believe there is actually STILL Christmas bargains to be had... Well there was until Mom and I grabbed them... ;)

Customer service... We all love when we receive great CS, yet we don't really talk about it much... However, when we receive terrible CS, it's like we text, tweet, FB, instagram, pinterest, blog and tell everyone we know about it... Well, I have really been the receiver of pretty bad Customer service the past few times I have gone to get something to eat... I know I work for the company that wrote the book on World Class Customer Service, but there are times that I feel as though no other company trains it anymore...

Don't people know that if you have a line, you at least acknowledge the other people in line so they don't feel ignored???   Or whatever happened to smiling... Is everyone shot up with botox now that they can't show emotion... I know working in customer service can be a thankless job at times, but seriously, thank the customer for coming in! Even if they don't buy anything!

I was shopping with a less fluffy friend at a store that dealt with less fluffy sized customers... DId they look down their noses at me because I couldn't fit one of my thighs let alone an entire leg in one pair of their pants? No they smiled and welcomed me into their store. Let me know about specials AND asked if there was anything they could help me find...  They didn't make a snap judgement based on my size, they just knew I was a customer that came into browse... I guarantee that if my thigh were ever the right size I would go back there in an instant...

A  lot of times when I shop I really pay attention to the service I receive because if it isn't good or if the employee moral is bad, I have a tendency to go a very long time before returning to the shop if I even go back at all...

I know everyone has a bad day, but as the employee you also have to remember, that during those time periods you are working, you need to try to keep your personal life in your car or locker or better yet at home...

Make each person feel special...

Musicsongbird

Thursday, January 1, 2015

2015...1.1

Happy New Year!
I was so excited this morning when I stepped on the scale to find I had lost 3.6 pounds...and it only took me...

1 year... I know you are so impressed but for me this feels incredible...

In 2013 I gained 26.6 pounds from January to January...In 2012 I gained 21.6...In 2011 I gained 7 pounds...In 2010 I gained 29.8 pounds.... I can go on but I think you get the picture...

This is my first overall loss in years... This is huge for me... Too me it means I am heading in the right direction...

I have had a rough year health wise... I started out 2014 in the ER, many, many, many migraines, had an accident at work and found out I have arthritis in my knees... Then I had a car accident at the beginning of November and took my first ambulance ride... And to round out the year, I have been battling the aftermath of acute bronchitis since Thanksgiving...

Now we have a new year, a fresh start... I have made and broken many resolutions in the past so I will refrain for making such boastful statements about what I plan to accomplish with the new year, what habits I will break and the resolutions I will make...

All I want for myself this year, is to continue following the path of healing I am on... Not just physically but mentally and emotionally... I ask God to help me strengthen my faith, my self-esteem and to continue to be an encourager to others...

On a side note: My personal goal is to share many wonderful and inspiring stories about my life and the lives of those around me... As always, I won't name names...

Happy New Year...

Musicsongbird