Tuesday, April 29, 2014

why?

Sometimes the thing we want is the thing we are most afraid of...

the answer to our questions...

so very often we ask God...
   - why did you allow this to happen?
   - why did this happen to me?
   - why did he die?
   - why did I live?
   - why am I alone?
   - why can't they love me?
   - why can't I be rich?
   - why can't I be thin, or beautiful?
   - why don't you ANSWER ME?? 

But we ask and we ask but we never stop and wait for the answer...

and sometimes God has to do something huge to get in our face, to get us to pay attention...

Some call it a slap in the face, a kick in the butt, hitting rock bottom... I call it an answer to a prayer...

Don't ask for something if you aren't prepared for the answer... because sometimes that answer is not right now and sometimes it is no... But if you stop and listen, you will get one...



Wednesday, April 2, 2014

4/2/2014

Lots of contemplating, lots of thoughts in my head... I needed grounding so badly today... Anxiety over my doctors visit tomorrow, anger over the fact that I allowed myself to mess up my checking account because I missed one entry a week ago now I have to pay for it by not having any money for a week... I am so thankful I live with Mom or I would have to call and ask to borrow money for gas...

Struggling daily with my weight... Why is it that I get so gung ho in the beginning but when others find out what I am doing or I lose just a little bit, I crash and burn and give up... A huge part of me believes I am just going to die fat... I know I shouldn't negative speak but it's how I am feeling...

Tomorrow is a new day and a new start... I need to make me a priority... I need to stop putting everyone else before me... I know that this money thing is a wake up call... I know that this doctors visit is a wake up call... I need to focus on my faith and on me...

I took part in this challenge at work and I need to give it my all... I need to get up and get moving even when I don't feel like it... I know that is just the devil holding me back... I am grown, I don't need anyone to go with me, but it's nice to have someone by your side... even when I am alone, I'm not truly alone...

I'm back...