Friday, December 19, 2014

Day 4....

Sorry, just tooo tired to post....



zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
musicsongbird

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Day 3...

Christmas is my most favorite time of year...

It's the retelling of our saviors birth, the gift giving and the special times we spend with our loved ones... It's a time of blessings and love...

Last night I spent an amazing evening with my Core Team Family...

Our Core Family Matriarch recently had emergency surgery and so we had to postpone our original party night... On Thanksgiving Eve she was not feeling well and by early Friday morning she was feeling so terrible that her husband had to take her to the ER, where they discovered her appendix had ruptured... She immediately prepped for surgery and taken in... After her surgery she asked her husband to please call the training trailer to let the Core Team know that she would not be able to join us for the Party... That totally touched my heart and the hearts of the rest of our team, that she thought of us in the middle of all of her own problems...

We immediately decided to postpone the party because we really wanted her to be a part of our festivities because she had retired from Disney at the end of October and we were missing her something awful... We all sent many thoughts and prayers her way for a speedy recovery and once she was out of the hospital and feeling better she graciously opened her beautiful home to us so we could all be together before Christmas....

We laughed, we toured her beautiful home, we shared a delicious assortment of goodies and we laughed some more and lots of hugs all around...

I am so blessed to be a part of this wonderful group of friends and am blessed to call them my Core Family... It makes me smile to see how much we care for one another and I look forward to the many Christmas Core Family Dinners to come...

Merry Christmas... Musicsongbird


Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Day 2...

What an incredible day...

Our Training Team joined the challenge to help collect toys for the US Marine's Toys for Tots Campaign that Disney is a part of each year... Two years ago our team collected a mere 24 toys, last year we collected 50, so I figured being the champion for our team, we could strive for a goal of 75... That would average about 2 to 3 toys per person in our office...

So I began sending out messages to our team encouraging everyone to donate a new unwrapped toy... To mark our progress I got creative and took something we all enjoy watching and our toy sponsors for this year... I took the cliff hanger from The Price is Right and replaced his face with the face of our one Ops training Manager and then took Elsa from Frozen and replaced her face with our other F&B/Merch training manager.... As we collected toys the cliff hanger would make his way up the hill to reach our 75 toy goal...

Not long after we started collecting toys our Ops Manager said that he would dress up as the cliff hanger if we reach our goal... Not to be outdone, our F&B/Merch manager said that if we reached 100 toys she would dress as Elsa... I then innocently asked, what would happen if we were to reach 150? Then our Ops manager laughed and said that he would then dress up like Princess Anna...

The bet was on and once it was announced the toys began pouring in... It was like someone added gas to a flame... People who may not have donated in the past were suddenly inspired to go above and beyond... By the end of the 3 week collection period we went into the final day short about 19 toys of the 150 goal... Slowly the toys came in and we were just 5 toys short when our Ops Manager came in with 5 toys... His donation put us up to our goal and pushed him to go looking for an Anna costume...

In the end, we collected 155 toys to go to children that might otherwise go without a Christmas... We also had our opportunity to meet with "Anna and Elsa" in our very own special meet and greet during our annual Christmas party... Our leaders we such good sports and it really showed what lengths they will go for us as a team...

Today also reminded me that you shouldn't always doubt others because sometimes they may surprise you...

I just know I need to keep being the cheerleader, the encourager, the shoulder to cry on or the person to laugh with, because when people are around happy people, it can help them to be happier... And with that the world becomes just a little bit better...

Musicsongbird

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Day 1...

I have been thinking a lot about this time of year lately... How it is not only about the celebration of the Birth of Jesus but how it's the end of one year and the beginning of the next... I know there are a little over 2 weeks still remaining but so much has happened over the course or this past year...

I started off this new year with a trip to the emergency room... Since then I have had 3 EKG's, 2 CT scans, a sleep apnea test, multiple x-rays of my knee as well as an MRI, and a chest x-ray just to round out the year...

My borrowed family grew by one nephew and he is adorable... I love him so much....

One of my oldest and dearest sister friends came to visit and along with Mom and BFF we journeyed to Jupiter to meet up with my oldest brother, sis-in-law, niece and great niece for a day...

I had a record summer of receiving new Disney babies in my areas and can't wait to meet my new ones this next year...

My middle brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew came to visit for Moms birthday week and we had many exciting adventures during their stay... My oldest brother and sister-in-law returned for Thanksgiving and despite sickness I really loved having them here...

I had a car accident and my guardian angel protected me and made sure my car was sent to the right place where they were able to save it from being totaled.... I feel like I have a brand new car again!!!

As I sat and listened to the Candlelight Procession this evening I pondered so many of these things and I realized despite the craziness and the pain I may have gone through this has been another exciting chapter in my life and it made me appreciate everything a little bit more...

When we are young we wish to be older and for time to hurry up and so we didn't always appreciate the time we had... Now that I am older, there are many moments where I wish time would slow down so we can enjoy more things...

I know I can't slow down time... but what I can do is appreciate the time I have and make more of it than I do... Life is for living and serving and laughing and crying and adventure and worship and dancing and relaxing and enjoying the world and the people around you....

Strive to learn and learn to dream...
Musicsongbird



Monday, November 17, 2014

Crazy week...

I have had a crazy week to say the least... I was in a car accident a week ago tomorrow and I did the exact opposite of what i would normally do when big things happen... I basically kept it out of social media... No FB posts, no tweets, no huge blog... well right away anyway.... So short version is that I rear ended someone and there was NO phone involved... Myself and the other driver both went to the ER and we both came out a little banged up but walking out on our own two feet... I never spoke with the other driver but Mom spoke with his mother at the scene of the accident and she said he was doing just fine...

The driver behind me is actually who called 911 and reported everything... I believe in angels and I know God put this family behind me for a reason... They helped get me out of the car and onto the side of the road for my safety... The son ran down across the outer road and helped Mom up the small hill to bring me comfort... Before the family left once the paramedics, firefighters and police officers arrived he shared with Mom and I that he was a Clergy for the police department and that he would be praying for me...

I took my first ambulance ride to the ER... I was tested and x-rayed to make sure I was ok... BFF was there to make sure I was OK until Mom arrived...My wounds are bruising and a sprained hand that is almost healed... But it is hard to let my mind let go of what happened...

I think the hardest part of the whole accident is not truly knowing how it happened... I don't know if he cut me off or swerved as to not hit another driver ahead of him... all I know is that once the airbags began deflating I was putting my car in park and turning off the engine and the tears began to come...

A week later I still don't have any answers but I am feeling blessed because the shop my car was taken to by the police department to be held until the insurance company could come pick it up, is in the process of fixing her and making her like new... my second set of angels...

musicsongbird

Monday, September 29, 2014

Day 7...

What a fantastic day today... 3 Years ago when they were last here, my brother wanted to do a Sunrise/Sunset Florida Coast to Coast trip but unfortunately we weren't able to make it happen until today. We all woke up some time between 4 and 4:45AM got dressed and piled into the van and headed for Cocoa Beach. Despite the forecast for rain on both coasts we decided to move ahead with the plan. We arrived at the Pier a little before 7 am and headed for the ocean. My nephew has never been in the ocean so this was a huge deal. We spent some time taking photos as the sun came up. Despite the clouds the scene was incredible. The sky came alive with light and before we knew it the sun was up and we were hungry.

We hoped into the car and headed for a local diner where we all enjoyed a delicious home style breakfast. We headed back towards home for a short rest and then before we knew it we were back in the van heading to the other coast.

Madeira is about a 2 hour drive one way and we happily laughed and sang along with a playlist I created prior to our trip.  However this time we weren't greeted with random clouds and a burst of sun... No this time we were greeted with gray gloomy skies and spurts of rainy downpours... But I truly believed God was going to honor my brother's desire to see a sunrise and sunset on each coast of Florida. We spent awhile shopping at John's Pass and then our tummys began to sound the familiar call... I asked one of the sales ladies in the show we were in where she liked to eat in town and she directed us to a small restaurant with a welcoming atmosphere and yummy grub.

After dinner, despite the continual showers we decided to brave it and head to the beach. There was no one around when we arrived, imagine that, no one wanted to be on the beach in the rain... Go figure... We decided a little rain wasn't going to hurt us and we headed towards the sand and surf. After a few minutes of wading at the waters edge we realized the rain had past and it was going to be a nice evening. We had 2 hours to wait for the days grand finale and so my Sister-in-law, niece and nephew decided a dip in the gulf was necessary. It was so fun to watch them ride the waves up and down and just have fun bonding as a family while my brother and I bonded as siblings....

As the time approached for the sun to begin it's descent for the evening, we gathered on the abandoned beach chairs and chattered as we took random photos of the evenings changing light... I just sat there in awe for a few minutes admiring God's delicate brush strokes across the ever darkening sky... I reminded my brother once again how I knew God wasn't going to let him down and I truly believed He delivered an amazing day to us...

musicsongbird

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Day 6...

Being injured has been an extremely humbling experience... Not only have I have to rely on my co-workers to help me out with my normal day to day tasks, but I have had to rely on my Mom and my BFF for help...

Today was especially hard because Saturdays are Mommy and Me days where we run errands and maybe stop for a schmeckin (our word for a little bite to eat). Well what started out as a normal few stops turned into a 12 stop day...

Half way through our day BFF was able to join us and he was such a huge help when my body just couldn't go on after 10 stops, he stepped in and helped Mom with her walker and made sure she didn't buy out Salvation Army. And if she had, he would have helped her load it all in the car...

It's so hard to ask for help...but thank you to all who have helped and especially to Mom and BFF...

Musicsongbird

Monday, August 25, 2014

Day 5...

Some days are great but lately they seem to be getting a little bit harder... I feel like the old stuff is creeping in and I don't want to go back to feeling that way... Now I am not saying this so that people will start giving me all kinds of advice and stuff... I just want people to know where my mind set is in case you see me or talk to me and something just seems off... I am not completely ready to talk about it but I will be soon...

For now... I start physical therapy tomorrow and hopefully this creeping crud will go away...

night
musicsongbird

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Day 4....

Why is it the minute you try and do something good for others, someone has to come along and treat you like what you are doing is wrong... Why can't they just keep their comments to themselves?

So moving forward...

I have been exploring Ancestry.com for the past week or so and I am learning so many incredible things about my families history. The biggest one so far is that My 3rd Cousin 7 times removed on my Mom's side is the 8th President of the United States, Martin Van Buren.  I discovered tonight that my 12th Great Grandfather was actually on the Mayflower and was an original pilgrim that came over from England...

I am just feeling so overwhelmed... There is so much to learn and explore and I feel like I am just scratching the surface... The more I learn about my families past, the more I learn about myself...

Musicsongbird

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Day 3...

So the Doctor's visit went really well today... The doctor is fairly certain that there is not a tear in my cartilage despite what the MRI technician was reporting and so I am officially office modified duty!!!! And I begin physical therapy on Tuesday to help get my mobility back and to help strengthen everything up... The down side is that he has found arthritis... :(

So, I am happy and feeling a lot better. I am so blessed to have such an amazing and caring team at work to help me out and an amazing family that loves me and an incredible Mom to take care of me... ;)

I am sure I will rest well tonight...

Musicsongbird

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Day 2...

Today was another great day of letting others take care of me and it's getting a little easier but I'm not going to lie, it is still very hard... But I know down deep I need to let this happen because in the long run it will make me more aware of others and how I can help them out in return... 

Today was the second day in a row that when I got home, the leg brace came off and the ice packs went on... I think I am pushing myself too much... Happily my Dr. appointment is first thing tomorrow so I know we will have a plan as to how my healing will take place. If it's surgery then the sooner the better... I just want to be well again... I want to be able to get out and walk again... I have all of these new great cast members and I can't even go to the locations to visit because I am on desk duty...

But I have to remember that everything happens for a reason... 

I have to keep telling myself that and sit back and wait for the reason to come...

I'm back,,,
Musicsongbird

Monday, August 18, 2014

Day 1... and counting

It looks like I am back after a bit of a hiatus... Many times over the last few months I have thought about writing but the thoughts just wouldn't come and now I feel as though the circumstances that are going on in my world right now have brought me back...

Last Wednesday, I was walking through the office at work when I felt and heard a pop come from my knee... At that point I fell into the wall, thankfully not onto the floor and that's when people came running to see what happened.

Looking back on this past week since my injury I am so happy I work with the group of people I work with... Everyone has jumped in to help me as I have waited to find out the results of the MRI I had on Thursday...

Well, my journey has taken a detour... I have torn cartilage in my right knee... The doctor said it was probably weakened over time and then she said, "well you were in for a knee injury in 2012." And I thought, was that when I fell outside cast services... or... honestly for the life of me, I couldn't remember going to health services in awhile and as I drove home I couldn't pin point when I had hurt my knee back then... Until I was texting my acupuncturist and it all came pouring out of my head... The last time I had to be put into a wheelchair and transported to Health Services by a fellow cast member, was when I decided steps were over rated and I would try falling instead... (of course this completely tongue and cheek) It was one of those accidents where it hurt bad, but I was stinking embarrassing because everyone and their best friend came pouring into the area where I was on the floor after falling...

But I digress... I have determined that one of the hardest thing in the world for me, is to rely on someone else for help... I don't want to admit I can't do it on my own... But alas, I am sentenced to desk work until my knee is healed and I am cleared to resume normal activity...

Proverbs 6:18 says Pride comes before the fall... however I feel like it has come after mine... ( I know, not the context but it drives a good point). I need to learn to stop being so prideful and learn to ask for help... Especially now... The thing is, you get hurt and the world keeps on turning... Things get crazy in your life and the world keeps turning... You are overwhelmed but the world keeps turning... You ask for help???

You catch what I am throwing... it's ok to ask for help... In the same token, it's even better to offer it before you have to be asked for it... Because for some, Pride comes before the fall...

I'm back,
Musicsongbird



Wednesday, June 25, 2014

it didn't just show up...

Sometimes it's just easier to give up then to keep going... It's easier to just give in to the mental battle going on inside me head and surrender... Everyday I read all of these great success stories of people losing weight and feeling better and I have trouble getting off the couch some days...  Even though I am taking Plexus, it isn't going to lose the weight on it's own... I have been through enough weight loss programs in my life to know that, but then I get on the scale and it's telling me that I am just not doing it... That the plexus isn't working and my head starts to say that you should just go for the money back guarantee... 
So STOP already... STOP the negative... STOP dooming myself to failure once again... I need to find a way off the couch... To stop the late evening snacking... The Plexus is helping me get my energy back and helping suppress my cravings, now I need to do my part in making sure I don't eat out of boredom or sadness... I need to get walking again and set myself some realistic goals... Small goals are the best to get you to the big accomplishments...

These small little battles will help me win the war... 

I can't expect for me to wake up one day and I am skinny fitting in a size 8. The weight didn't hide around the corner and wait for me to be alone so it could jump me... It took years for me to get to this size and I know it will take some time to lose it once and for all... 

I just need to believe in myself... I need to start making some changes and stick to the plan I have set before myself... 

Musicsongbird...






Monday, June 16, 2014

sick...

I have never had a job in my life where I have felt bad for calling in sick... but I do now... It's so silly because that is why we have sick pay or vacation bank so that when we get sick we stay home... But I feel bad... I can hear people in my head saying don't feel bad... Everything will take care of itself but I really love my job and miss it when I am not there... Sick I know... Mentally not physically even though I am...

I know my body needs rest so it can get better and being at work doesn't allow that...

So please pray for a speedy recovery for me... Coughing is so over rated...

musicsongbird

Saturday, June 14, 2014

now...

Months have passed since I have regularly posted anything... Many things have happened... 

I have come to terms with a few things in my life, I am sleeping a million times better and I am actively working on losing weight... 

As you may or may not know I have a hard time liking myself and it goes all the way back to the damage that was done by a family friend. A grown up my parents trusted. 

Looking back now I realize he treated me more like a girlfriend instead of the child I was. Buying me jewelry and sending me flowers, just not normal things a grown man should do for a 6-10 year old. 

I didn't truly realize that I had been abused until a few years ago and telling my brothers was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it was part of my healing... I went through a year of therapy, I also spent about a year with a health/life coach. Each time peeling back the layers of hurt I buried myself in...

Then I was introduced me to my acupuncturist and I instantly felt a trust with her. She has been helping me dig through the emotional junk because the fat I carry is protect me... I wasn't a fat little kid. I didn't start over eating and emotional eating until I was in 4th grade. Then to add insult to injury, the kids, boys mostly started calling me names and making jokes about my size. I didn't wear a pair of pants or jeans that didn't have elastic in the waist band until I was a sophomore and I dropped 30 pounds in 30 days when I started playing volleyball.

On top of everything else, I was a Christian. I got saved in 6th grade and was a bible believing, christian message t-shirt wearing church kid. My friends in high school said I was most likely to become a minister. Even though I was horrible and terrified of public speaking back then.

In 1998 when my dad died from Lung Cancer, everything changed for me... I was angry at God for taking my Dad and even though I still believed I had so much pain, so I added more layers. Started building the boundaries around myself, putting on even more weight...

I have dealt with more than I ever thought I would and I am finally feeling like I have let go of so much, so much so that I am almost off of my happy pills completely... I am seeing life through different eyes now... Not clouded by hurt and pain and sadness... 

I was tested for sleep apnea and I am now on a sleep machine and I have never slept so well... I never thought I would ever get a great nights sleep...

Now down to the weight loss piece... Since October I have messaging back and forth with a friend of mine that was selling this weight loss product... I kept going back and forth in my mind about should I try it or shouldn't I and then I won a three day trial pack... Well, I tried it and I loved how I felt when I took it those three days... I loved it so much that I started taking it... last month... I know it was a span of almost 6 months before I actually decided to try it for myself but I did a lot of praying and reading up on it before I decided it was a risk I was willing to take... 

There are no guarantees in life except that God is going to love me no matter what and if I am good enough for him than I am good enough for me... I am worth taking a risk for... I can do this... I can enjoy food, but be a smaller, healthier me... 

If God can bring me through all of the emotional barriers I put up around myself... Then I have the Faith that he can help me get rid of the physical ones I have built around myself as well...

take a step...
Musicsongbird

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

why?

Sometimes the thing we want is the thing we are most afraid of...

the answer to our questions...

so very often we ask God...
   - why did you allow this to happen?
   - why did this happen to me?
   - why did he die?
   - why did I live?
   - why am I alone?
   - why can't they love me?
   - why can't I be rich?
   - why can't I be thin, or beautiful?
   - why don't you ANSWER ME?? 

But we ask and we ask but we never stop and wait for the answer...

and sometimes God has to do something huge to get in our face, to get us to pay attention...

Some call it a slap in the face, a kick in the butt, hitting rock bottom... I call it an answer to a prayer...

Don't ask for something if you aren't prepared for the answer... because sometimes that answer is not right now and sometimes it is no... But if you stop and listen, you will get one...



Wednesday, April 2, 2014

4/2/2014

Lots of contemplating, lots of thoughts in my head... I needed grounding so badly today... Anxiety over my doctors visit tomorrow, anger over the fact that I allowed myself to mess up my checking account because I missed one entry a week ago now I have to pay for it by not having any money for a week... I am so thankful I live with Mom or I would have to call and ask to borrow money for gas...

Struggling daily with my weight... Why is it that I get so gung ho in the beginning but when others find out what I am doing or I lose just a little bit, I crash and burn and give up... A huge part of me believes I am just going to die fat... I know I shouldn't negative speak but it's how I am feeling...

Tomorrow is a new day and a new start... I need to make me a priority... I need to stop putting everyone else before me... I know that this money thing is a wake up call... I know that this doctors visit is a wake up call... I need to focus on my faith and on me...

I took part in this challenge at work and I need to give it my all... I need to get up and get moving even when I don't feel like it... I know that is just the devil holding me back... I am grown, I don't need anyone to go with me, but it's nice to have someone by your side... even when I am alone, I'm not truly alone...

I'm back...

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Happy New Me!

So I have had a most interesting start to the new year... Here is my post from Facebook yesterday...

OK everyone, I am fine. I had an attack of sorts yesterday. I couldn't catch my breath and then deep breathing was very labored. After a bit I was ok, but I knew I needed to see the doctor so I went in this morning. While I was there the doctor was concerned because I was having problems breathing almost like I had a chest full of congestion but my lungs were clear. So they did an EKG and decided I needed to go to the ER to have additional blood work done to determine that it wasn't heart related or a blood clot in the lungs.

When I got to Celebration they performed another EKG and blood tests and a cat scan were ordered. They put me on an IV with some meds for my migraines and then I waited... and waited... and waited... The CAT scan was crazy... As soon as they inject you with the stuff it's almost like a feeling I get at acupuncture sometimes when the energy just zooms through me... Thats how it was with this stuff they injected... It was heat the went from the top of my head to my toes... When I came out of the machine all I could say was, "that was cool..."

After sleeping for another hour or so the doctor came in and spoke with me and said all was good...

Of course there are a few things I am leaving out but basically I am fine. I appreciate all of the texts and the prayers. I will back to making magic tomorrow at work...


Well, I am not back today because the evil migraine monster has reared it's ugly head once again...

I am determined to figure out what is causing these headaches and so I am back to tracking my food intake. Not only is it good so I can monitor what may be a trigger, it will also be in my face about what I am eating and how much. Big eye opener  by the way. 

Sadly when I visited the doctor yesterday I hit my all time highest weight and Mom pointed out just how much more I weigh in comparison to her and it was not magical... 

I know the visit yesterday was a wake up call and I know what I need to do... But today I must rest so I can get better...

Happy Healthy New Year to all...
Musicsongbird