Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Day 395...Year 2

Tonight I was told that I have a great smile... Believe it or not, I have never in my entire life been told that...In fact, when i was in elementary school, I remember always having to attend the school picture retake day because I was told I had a goofy smile... It was probably due to the fact that I have what is called an open bite... An open bite is where your front teeth don't come together... Mine was caused by finger sucking... If you look at my hands you can even see which finger it was... Due to the years and years and years of finger sucking my fingers on that hand naturally separate farther apart and the skin on the knuckle is slightly stretched out...

As I look back now, obviously I know what caused the almost 28 years of finger sucking, yes you read correctly... Up until the beginning of this month I always had to have my woobie with me when I was on the couch or if I traveled somewhere overnight... BFF would tease me by hiding it or threatening to throw it away... Woobie is what remains of a quilt my grandmother had made... The reason I say remains is because over the years the quilt began to tear apart and so when it got into really bad shape it was put into a Pocahontas pillowcase... After that pillowcase began to wear out all of the pieces were putt into the white pillowcase that it is in now and the pillowcase was sewn shut so it wouldn't lose anymore...

After my "break threw" I had an epiphany or an awakening and realized I had been holding onto this woobie for security just like I had sucked my finger for all of those years... Now the pillow stays on my bed and is just a pillow that acts as part torso pillow, because it is too short to be a full body pillow, and a place for the kittens to sleep... Honestly, I almost threw it out when we had to wash it and it wouldn't come dry after putting it the dryer for three 40 minute dryer cycles... I was going to just give up and toss it and my sweet Mom dried it the next morning one more time and then it was returned to it's place on my bed...

I am finally able to except that I am truly safe... That he can't ever harm me again and I can allow myself to be happy...

Love, peace and I can be happy...
Musicsongbird