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Showing posts from January, 2013

Day 397...Year 2

No one knows what it is like to be you, but you... When you battle something like trying to lose weight, you are bombarded from all sides with "help." The thing is, even though we are all made from the same stuff, atoms, cells, blood, bones, muscles, etc... We aren't all wired the same way... If we were we would be boring... So, since we are all wired differently, what works for me, may not work for you and vice versa...

The reason I hate the word diet, is that, first it starts with the word die.... Enough said on that.... The other reason is because the minute you tell anyone that you are on a diet, they immediately feel it is their responsibility to point out your food intake indiscretions... They also give you unsolicited advice on exercise and vitamins and supplements...

As someone who has battled her weight since the third grade, I beg you, please STOP!!!  If I want your help or advice I will ask you, but just do me a favor, just be my friend and if you notice my bo…

Day 396...Year 2

I am so grateful the weekend is here... Not that work is bad, I just need a few days to unwind and relax... It has been a different week with a few challenges and a few fun things thrown in... It's the learning to let go that is hard...

When you are in a holding pattern and things pop up and mess it up, it is hard to get back on the right track again... I get frustrated and impatient and I just need to learn to just let those feelings go, because they don't make the situation change and they don't make things go any faster...

I just need to find peace...

Love and find peace...
Musicsongbird

Day 395...Year 2

Tonight I was told that I have a great smile... Believe it or not, I have never in my entire life been told that...In fact, when i was in elementary school, I remember always having to attend the school picture retake day because I was told I had a goofy smile... It was probably due to the fact that I have what is called an open bite... An open bite is where your front teeth don't come together... Mine was caused by finger sucking... If you look at my hands you can even see which finger it was... Due to the years and years and years of finger sucking my fingers on that hand naturally separate farther apart and the skin on the knuckle is slightly stretched out...

As I look back now, obviously I know what caused the almost 28 years of finger sucking, yes you read correctly... Up until the beginning of this month I always had to have my woobie with me when I was on the couch or if I traveled somewhere overnight... BFF would tease me by hiding it or threatening to throw it away... Woo…

Day 394...Year 2

Breaking up is hard to do... I have learned a huge lesson today about giving up sweets and other naughty things like Discovery Diner size orders of french fries... When you are having a rough day, they are not to be consumed for comfort...

Thankfully, despite the handful of mini Oreos and the huge amount of fries I consumed as a pre-lunch treat, when I tracked everything on SparkPeople.com I was within all of my daily limits... I don't know if I have ever achieved that... Usually I have too low on calories or too high on fats but I was perfect on everything and yes I even counted the ketchup and mayonnaise I ate with the fries...

Baby steps... The fat didn't get there over night, so why do we think it will fall off that way, that it will simply just disappear...

The next time I am feeling over emotional, like this morning, and my mind starts "craving" a naughty food, I need to get up and walk some where, or start writing or reading, but not caving in... Sorry emotion…

Day 393...Year 2

Giving up is never easy... There are so many outside influences that try and drag you back, the biggest one being yourself... Two weeks ago I decided that I needed to start cutting out the extra sugar, soda, sweet tea, chocolate, etc.... I can't say I have been 100% because I would be lying, but I have done pretty well...

It's crazy because I can definitely tell I was consuming too much added sugar because I feel slight changes in my body every now and then... I'm not feeling hungry as quickly as before in between meals and I am realizing that there are other sweet things to eat instead of the processed sugars... Mom got me freeze dried fruit, not the dried stuff at the grocery, they have added sugars... I have been mixing it in with my cereal and making my own trail mix for a quick snack...

I'm not saying if I have or haven't lost any weight but I am feeling more energized and I am planning on competing in the Jingle Jungle 5K and the Happy Haunted 5K this fall...…

Day 392...Year 2

When I came home today there was a box on the table waiting for me... I haven't ordered anything and when I looked at the address it wasn't anything I recognized, so I grabbed the scissor and opened it up... Inside I pulled out a Stella Artois Beer Glass... I got it for free online and had forgotten about it until I opened the box... It's kind of funny that in came today because this morning I was talking with my co-workers about how I should blog tonight about how to get free stuff online and with your smart phone... So I guess I will... :)

Mypoints.com
I have been getting free stuff online from them since around 1996... I can't remember how I found my favorite rewards site but I have gotten so many different types of gift cards from it over the years that I have lost track just how many.... Wal-Mart, Target, I-Tunes, Subway, Red Lobster, Rain Forest Cafe, Game Stop and that is just a few... This site is so easy for shoppers and non-shoppers alike... You get email and …

Day 391...Year 2

My friends say I am the crazy cat lady and I guess with having 5 cats, I have a good head start...  As a pet owner I often talk to my cats and I wonder what they are thinking? My poor eldest cat, Belle, probably would have a few choice words to say to me if she could speak... But I know even though having three kittens is a trial on us all, she will come to tolerate them just like she has with Gabriel...

BFF often gives me trouble when I talk to the cats... He says they don't understand me and they don't talk to me, but he is just jealous because he can't hear them and I can... OK that makes me sound like I have just jumped off the deep end, but when you have a pet for a long time, and he knows it because I believe he does it too, they talk to you in their own way...

I love my cats, they are my kids and if that makes me crazy, then grab my straight jacket and get my rubber room ready, just as long as there is a litter box for my cats...

I believe God blessed me with the im…

Day 390...Year 2

My exhaustion is quickly catching up with me...

There is nothing sweeter than to have someone cook for you... My Mom cooks dinner for me most nights and I appreciate it very much... I know when someone cooks for you they put their heart and soul into it... Tonight, BFF made Pad Thai for me... This was the first time he ever made it and he was a little nervous... But worries aside he did an amazing job, so much so that I had a 2nd helping...

I believe cooking for someone shows how much you care for them... Even if it doesn't turn out like you want it to, at least you tried your best and that is the thought that counts...

Love, peace and what's cooking...
Musicsongbird

One of my favorite recipes that my Aunt Pat makes whenever we visit:


Strawberry Dessert
Crust: 1 c flour ½ c brown sugar ½ c chopped nuts ½ c melted margarine
Mix ingredients together and spread in a shallow pan. Bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees. Stir with a fork after 10 minutes, then again at the end of the 20 minute…

Day 389...Year 2

I love the days where I learn something more about a person and what makes them tick... Something that truly inspires me... Today I ran into someone who used to work in the park and has now moved on to another park... We got to talking about how things were going and what he was up to... He is now a coordinator and he is still working with the Military... His job with the military is welcome home and help council the military men and women that have been wounded in action and are now facing their futures as amputees...

He is in a wheelchair... I knew of his work with the military and had always assumed he had been injured in the line of duty... Today I finally had the nerve to ask what had happened and He was more than happy to share.... He quickly launched into a story about how his helicopter was flying over China, when he began to giggle... He apologized quickly and explained that he was messing with his friend that was also sitting with us... In reality he was never in the militar…

Day 388...Year 2

Oh what a night... I wasn't sure how my first closing shift in months was going to be, but I had a blast... Despite three dizzy spells, I managed to assist my trainee in making magic for many guests and then making some magic for ourselves as well...

For almost an hour, my trainee drove a mini monorail with Perry the Platypus riding on top, around under spaceship earth, with a trail of Mickey stickers following behind... On the front was a little sign reading "Please take 1 sticker." We had little kids laughing and squealing with delight, along with some adults trying to figure out just which of us was truly driving the monorail... At one point we had a couple of little boys and their light sabers, running around telling Perry to go forward and stop, which he would magically obey...  The younger of the two was wearing Oswald the Rabbit ears, so when the time came that I needed to ask him a question I called out to him as Oswald... Now most kids don't think about what…

Day 387...Year 2

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the entire staircase." - Dr. Martin Luther Ling Jr. 
When I began my journey to Florida, I had no idea where the road would take me, but I know God would be with the whole way... Was I afraid? I would be lying to say that I wasn't... Am I happier for taking the leap of faith in moving? Of course I am...
As I read through all of these amazing quotes by Mr. King, I found quite a few that really hit the heart...
Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'
This is exactly what I was getting at with yesterday's blog... Are we putting ourselves out there to help others? Are we making ourselves available?
Just something to ponder...
Love, peace and what are you doing? Musicsongbird

Day 386...Year 2

I love my job and I can't imagine doing anything different... Today reaffirmed the previous statement for me...  As my co-core and I were walking through the park, we were approached by a couple in need of medical attention... I didn't think twice, I immediately went into action... Finding a place for the guest to sit comfortably while we waited for help to arrive.... I asked what I deemed to be the important questions to gain information for the 911 operator and then I quickly, without panicking made the call for help... Once I was able to reassure the guest that help was on it's way, we waited and spoke to the different leaders that approached to assist and relayed the information of what had transpired... When the paramedics arrived we assisted in keeping guests at bay and then when they took the guest to get more medical attention, the leaders thanked us for our assistance and sent us to continue with our day...

I think that was the hardest part, not getting to know wh…

Day 385...Year 2

I received an instant message last night from a friend... He was a trainee last summer and we were instant pals... He was back in town and was going to be working tonight at my park and asked if I would be around... I told him I would be and when I was off work I went to the location and waited for him to come in... I haven't been in this particular location in a few weeks so when I walked into the cast area everyone I came in contact with was so sweet and so nice, making me feel like a family member that was home after being away on a trip...

Well, just before he was about to be late for his shift he came walking in cool as a cucumber and clocked in, but not before getting a huge smile on his face and giving me a big hug... We were only able to chat for a few minutes but it was so nice to see him again... So very often, in my line of work, we meet people and we think we have created these amazing bonds, but once they leave you just end up with a lot of FB friends, but not "a…

Day 384...Year 2

I had a bit of a melancholy moment today... But instead of just letting the depression take over like I normally would, I tried to actually listen to what my body was trying to tell me... In the past I would just allow the sadness to envelope me, but now that I am learning how to listen to my body, it's getting better... I am still a worrier... I worry about what others think of me, I worry if others are happy... You might say I over think things a lot... It is something I struggle with... For so long I have had to put up this mask... This happy all the time, life of the party, laugh with me so you aren't laughing at me mentality that it is hard to stop worrying so much... 

As I was sitting in my car, contemplating all of these things this afternoon, this song came on the radio... It has been a favorite of mine since it was released a while back and I know I have blogged the lyrics before, but it is one of those things that bears repeating... No matter what comes my way though…

Day 383...Year 2

Everyday I find a reason to smile a little bit more... The hurt is lessening, the fear isn't quite as strong...It's amazing to think about all of things in my life that I have overcome... But it's a little scary to know that my journey to a healthy mental/emotional me isn't over...

The great thing I know in my heart is that I have an amazing support system to watch over me and be there when I need them... Mom, BFF and Pin Doc are so supportive and I thank them for being here for me whenever I need them...

Over the past month at the Pin Doc I have been working through some deep issues and it's funny because today I really started to feel how my body is reacting... The Pin Doc has these amazing zero gravity chairs that Mom and I sit in during our sessions and they are totally comfy the way they allow you to relax...normally... However, I have noticed that ever since the unleashing of the kraken (my inner turmoil), when I sit down and then sit back, my body is very ri…

Day 382...Year 2

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I have to say how amazed I am with technology... Right now, my friends from High School and I are all chatting on FB, from different cities across the US... The conversation started a few days ago and each night it continues... I am so blessed to have reunited with this group last summer and it is so great to see that all of the promises of keeping in touch weren't just empty words...
It's nice to know that as I get older, there are still people out there besides my relatives, that care about what happens to me... 
When I saw this, it made me think of all of my friends, no matter how far away they are, they are in my heart forever...
Love, peace and forever... Musicsongbird

Day 381...Year 2

Well, I guess I didn't do so good at listening today... I made it to work... for 15 whole minutes before I went home... I went to the doctor and found out I have a virus, thankfully not the flu, and in order to go back to work I must be fever free for 24 hours, so tomorrow I will be home again...

I had a talk with my Mom was finally honest about a few things with her and I realized something new... When you aren't honest with the ones you love, you aren't being honest with yourself... I have felt like there has been a wall between my Mom and I for awhile because I wasn't being totally honest with her and now I feel like the wall has been knocked down... It's like I huffed and puffed and blew it down...

You know what they say, the truth shall set you free...

Love, peace and truth...
Musicsongbird

Day 380...Year 2

Why is it that we all have such a hard time listening to our bodies?  We get so busy with running here and there and eating on the run that we don't take time to stop and listen to what our bodies are telling us, until it makes us listen... When we get sick we have no choice but to listen... But when we listen to our bodies are we actually hearing and understanding what it is telling us?

When I was in my COT role, I became very good at going to bed by 10:30 at the latest... It was a task the Pin Doc told me to try and adhere to... The body needs time to rest and when we have a set bed time we are allowing it to do so... Plus, it will start to shut down for the evening whether we like it or not (yawn!!!!)... Hence some crazy blogs I have written in the past year...

It's not just for sleep that we need to listen to our body... We also need to listen and let it tell us when it is hungry... We want actual hunger, not head hunger... Not, I am bored so I will clean out the fridge hu…

Day 379...Yr 2

Being sick is no fun, especially when you can't pin point what the sickness is... From what I can tell I am pretty sure it's the flu... Even though I had a flu shot, I can still get it just not as severe... So, I slept from around 11pm last night, until 7am this morning. Was up long enough to call in to work and then fell back to sleep until around noon. I was up about an hour and then I went back to sleep until around 5... I am warm and still my tummy is feeling fuzzy... Don't you just wish when you were feeling bad that you could just throw up and get it over with... Which reminds me of a story...
Comedian Mark Lowry, talks about growing up in a southern Baptist home and how going to church was a must in his home. So if one of the kids would go to their dad on Sunday morning and say they were sick, he would say, "Throw up and prove it." Then once they threw up he would say, "Don't you feel better? Now let's go to church." Well, I can tell you …

Day 378...Year 2

Feeling shaky, the cause is not the intense game on the TV... I know my body is battling something... Don't you just hate when you don't feel well and you can't really do anything to make it better... You just have to let whatever it is run it's course...

It's kind of like when you are waiting for something to happen... Whether it's the anticipation of a trip, or you are waiting for an important call, there is nothing you can do to make time go by faster... You just have to sit back and patiently wait for it to come...

Love, peace and just waiting...
Musicsongbird

Day 377...Year 2

That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind...

These were words that changed the world... We had put a man on the moon... Now, I am not saying my race to the losing line is going to be that huge of a deal to the world, but it will be in my world...

Tonight at dinner with Mom and BFF, I ordered a yummy dish and when the waitress came up she asked if I thought I was going to kill my dish. (It means finish) I replied with a hearty, Yup, I'm gonna kill it... But as she walked away, BFF turned to me and asked me an important question... "But aren't you going to have cheesecake?" I replied quickly that I was but as I started to continue to eat my meal I realized that I had stopped paying attention to how my body was feeling and was focusing on all of the poor children in Africa that don't have food if I didn't clean my plate... Now this is silly for two reasons....

The first is that no matter if I eat everything on my plate or not, their will stil…

Day 376...Year 2

Sometimes choosing to forgive someone for something they never apologized for is the hardest thing we can do... As I am going through this healing process I have had so many emotions and most of them have been directed at myself... But last week, my emotions were finally directed towards the one that did all of the damage and as hard as it is, knowing full well that I will NEVER get an apology from him... I had to forgive him... The only way I can get through my healing is by forgiving the one that did the damage and knowing I will never allow someone to hurt me like that again...

I was talking to Mom on the way home from the Pin Doc today, about when I was younger and how I never made it through a slumber party until I was in the 6th grade, I think... I would get to the point in the sleep over where we were getting ready for bed and then I would start to get upset and they would have to call my house and have someone come up the street to get me... We never understood why until now..…

Day 375...Year 2

So, I am in a strange place tonight... I am not sure what to write about... So I text BFF to ask him what I should write about... The conversation looked like this... (ignore the spelling errors)

Me: I dobt know what to write
BFF: Hmmmn...
Me: maybe I should take the nite off
BFF: :O NO!!!!
Me: why, I made it one year
BFF: Lol.
BFF: Because its good for you and u inspire hundreds of people
BFF: Talk about your dreams
BFF: Your wishes
BFF: How pretty I am
BFF: Lol

So, with his encouragement... I am still at a loss for words...

Sometimes when you have a lack of words, that is when God is wanting you to be silent and to listen... You learn a lot more about questions in your heart when you are silent and listen, than when you talk through the answer...

Love, peace and silence...
Musicsongbird

Day 374...Year 2

It's interesting to see what I wrote about a year ago and see how it has affected me now... The topic was about learning something new each day... Not doing the same thing over and over... Even though we are creatures of habit, same breakfast each morning, same general parking area each morning, for some the same lunch each day, etc. etc... We can still step out and try new things from time to time... I think this is why I enjoy my job, because for me, it's not the same thing over and over... Each day is different... The cast and guests I deal with changes each day... Just like my blog changes each day... So, to tie this all together in a neat little bow, I too have felt a little change today... A change in me... I felt a little spark of joy that I haven't felt in awhile... I'm not saying that I haven't been happy but there is a difference between happiness and joy, at least they way I feel it... So what happened today that caused me joy? I am a singer... For as lo…

Day 373...Year 2

I've wrote about listening to your body before, when it's in regards to eating... However that is also true for resting... Whether that is relaxing and just sitting quietly or it's to actually sleep, we need to learn to listen to our bodies better...

Listening is probably one of the most important thing we can do for our body... We listen for our body to tell us it is hungry... Many people don't know what is actual hunger and what is head hunger... We might not know what comfortable is, but most of us know what stuffed feels like... Did you know it takes about 20 minutes for your stomach to signal to your brain that you are full? So if we aren't rushing our meals and allow ourselves to take our time and enjoy what we are eating, we will be less likely to overeat and we may find ourselves eating a lot less...

Time to listen to my body...

Love, peace and nighty night!!!
Musicsongbird

Day 372...Year 2

It is incredible how the body reacts when you are emotionally unloading... I'm not really sure how to even explain this... My acupuncturist will now be referred to as Pin Doc... As my Pin Doc explained it, I had to purge the memories and thus purging the emotions and then the physical toll the ordeal played on my body... At least this is how I am understanding it... It's like our bodies have emotional memory of trauma and when we face that trauma to remove the pain of it's memory, our body can also react by purging the memory as well, so in my case... I was sick to my stomach over night... I woke up around 6:30 to try and get ready for work, I took my shower and tried to eat to test my stomach and when 7 hit I knew I wasn't going to make it in, so I called out... I then returned to bed to wake up again around 10:30... My head was pounding with a migraine so I took some medicine and transferred out to the love seat. When Mom came home from church she made me lunch and t…

Day 371...Year 2

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Yesterday I spoke a little bit about uncovering some past hurt and today I think I need to explain it a little further... I have said this before but it bares repeating... Parents you need to teach your children that words hurt... Calling another kid; stupid, ugly, gay, fat, whale, grouch, I think you get my point, is unacceptable... They are especially unacceptable coming from you... Words like that stick with children...

Around the third grade I started emotional eating and thus began gaining weight... By the 8th grade I was 185 pounds... I was called fat, whale, lard ass, you name it... I didn't wear jeans until maybe my Junior Year in High School because they didn't make them for plus size girls back then... Thankfully or maybe unthankfully, I grew up with a very outgoing personality... So any pain I experienced from the names was buried down beneath the food and the fat and I became the funny, crazy girl... I realized early on in life, if I was the center of attention, no…

Day 370...Year 2

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile???

The spelling!!!!

Another great end to a fun filled day with my borrowed family... If you ever have a chance to go to Gatorland, it is well worth the admission price... The shows are fun and interesting and the experience of seeing 1,000's of gators is one you will not soon forget...It is especially enjoyable when you are with people you love...

The other great thing you can do is sit down with everyone, have a great meal and watch Wipeout... I haven't laughed so hard in quite awhile, and it wasn't just me...

Lately I have been struggling with some things and they finally came to a head yesterday and a lot of years of pain and suffering came to the surface and was released from my life... Sometimes it is just good to sit down and let the pain out... To allow ourselves that emotional release...Where we can finally look at ourselves and not be disappointed or ashamed...To allow ourselves to truly heal...

Love, p…

Day 369...Year 2

I have a new niece in my life... She is 8 years old and as cute as a button... Today was only the second time I have gotten to see her since she became a part of my borrowed family... The first time I met her, earlier this past year; we had gone to her little league practice and then out for pizza... We bonded over video games... Then I didn't see her again until this morning, when I walked into the condo they are staying at this morning, she got up and ran over and gave me a huge hug... I didn't realize I had made such a connection with her... I know BFF had told me that when she had come up to Disney in November she had told her family that maybe she would see me when she went to Epcot... But the hug was just the beginning... When she found out that I was going to have leave then for awhile this afternoon, due to a pin cushion appointment, she wanted to make sure I was going to meet up with them again... When it was raining and everyone was sitting at a table with an u…

Day 368...Year 2

So, today wasn't very successful on the diet track but normal standards, but I did manage to go Coke and Coffee free today... So that in itself was a gold star in my book... Am I going to perfect every day? No... Will I have perfect days? It would be nice... I loved seeing most of my co-workers back to work today and hearing how many of them are starting a new diet... Why is it that we all wait until the New Year, to "try again" at losing weight?... I think it's because we all see the change in the year as a new start... I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it, I am doing it myself, but maybe the focus shouldn't be so much on, "I can't east this" or "I have to eliminate" that, as it should be I want to make better choices so I can be healthier... I learned a pretty important lesson today about indulgence and I wish I would have taken it heart right away instead of over indulging as I did... As a thank you for the work ou…

Day 367... Year 2

I can only blame the circumstances from my childhood to a point... Now that I have gotten therapy and I have faced my past, it is up to me to change my future... Because of my past it caused me to use food to mask the pain... It has caused me to treat food as a comfort... When I eat I don't have to face the pain, because the food is my friend... I don't want to forget what my plan is for 2013... This blog is called Skinny Girl in a Fat Girl's body... Well it's time to finally release the skinny girl within... In the past year I have tried so many tricks and programs to lose weight and all I have lost is the money either Mom or myself, put into it...

Now it is time to truly take what I have learned from all of the diets; Weight Watchers, 30/30/40, South Beach, The Blood Type Diet and the life coach, and finally do it Skinny Girl Style... All I can do is take it one day at a time... Does that mean I am going to be perfect everyday? Never have sweets again, never indulg…