Thursday, January 31, 2013

Day 397...Year 2

No one knows what it is like to be you, but you... When you battle something like trying to lose weight, you are bombarded from all sides with "help." The thing is, even though we are all made from the same stuff, atoms, cells, blood, bones, muscles, etc... We aren't all wired the same way... If we were we would be boring... So, since we are all wired differently, what works for me, may not work for you and vice versa...

The reason I hate the word diet, is that, first it starts with the word die.... Enough said on that.... The other reason is because the minute you tell anyone that you are on a diet, they immediately feel it is their responsibility to point out your food intake indiscretions... They also give you unsolicited advice on exercise and vitamins and supplements...

As someone who has battled her weight since the third grade, I beg you, please STOP!!!  If I want your help or advice I will ask you, but just do me a favor, just be my friend and if you notice my body is starting to change for the good... TELL ME!!! Don't be afraid to ask if I have lost weight, because when you do, it makes me know someone is seeing a change even if I can't... I might feel a change in my clothes but even I may not see it yet...

Also, if you offer me something to eat or drink and I say no thank you, please do not respond with, "What? Are you on a diet? My parents raised me to have manners, so it may be that I don't find what you are offering to be appetizing, but it also might mean that I AM monitoring what I eat and I don't want to share it with the world...

And finally... If I do share with you that I am trying to cut back on things and trying to lose weight, don't try and make decisions for me... If I choose to eat something that you deem unacceptable, that is your opinion... And please don't make comments like, you don't need that and you can't possibly be hungry still... I am listening to my own body and I know what it wants and when it wants it so please respect my decisions...

Love, peace and respect my decisions...
Musicsongbird

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Day 396...Year 2

I am so grateful the weekend is here... Not that work is bad, I just need a few days to unwind and relax... It has been a different week with a few challenges and a few fun things thrown in... It's the learning to let go that is hard...

When you are in a holding pattern and things pop up and mess it up, it is hard to get back on the right track again... I get frustrated and impatient and I just need to learn to just let those feelings go, because they don't make the situation change and they don't make things go any faster...

I just need to find peace...

Love and find peace...
Musicsongbird

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Day 395...Year 2

Tonight I was told that I have a great smile... Believe it or not, I have never in my entire life been told that...In fact, when i was in elementary school, I remember always having to attend the school picture retake day because I was told I had a goofy smile... It was probably due to the fact that I have what is called an open bite... An open bite is where your front teeth don't come together... Mine was caused by finger sucking... If you look at my hands you can even see which finger it was... Due to the years and years and years of finger sucking my fingers on that hand naturally separate farther apart and the skin on the knuckle is slightly stretched out...

As I look back now, obviously I know what caused the almost 28 years of finger sucking, yes you read correctly... Up until the beginning of this month I always had to have my woobie with me when I was on the couch or if I traveled somewhere overnight... BFF would tease me by hiding it or threatening to throw it away... Woobie is what remains of a quilt my grandmother had made... The reason I say remains is because over the years the quilt began to tear apart and so when it got into really bad shape it was put into a Pocahontas pillowcase... After that pillowcase began to wear out all of the pieces were putt into the white pillowcase that it is in now and the pillowcase was sewn shut so it wouldn't lose anymore...

After my "break threw" I had an epiphany or an awakening and realized I had been holding onto this woobie for security just like I had sucked my finger for all of those years... Now the pillow stays on my bed and is just a pillow that acts as part torso pillow, because it is too short to be a full body pillow, and a place for the kittens to sleep... Honestly, I almost threw it out when we had to wash it and it wouldn't come dry after putting it the dryer for three 40 minute dryer cycles... I was going to just give up and toss it and my sweet Mom dried it the next morning one more time and then it was returned to it's place on my bed...

I am finally able to except that I am truly safe... That he can't ever harm me again and I can allow myself to be happy...

Love, peace and I can be happy...
Musicsongbird

Monday, January 28, 2013

Day 394...Year 2

Breaking up is hard to do... I have learned a huge lesson today about giving up sweets and other naughty things like Discovery Diner size orders of french fries... When you are having a rough day, they are not to be consumed for comfort...

Thankfully, despite the handful of mini Oreos and the huge amount of fries I consumed as a pre-lunch treat, when I tracked everything on SparkPeople.com I was within all of my daily limits... I don't know if I have ever achieved that... Usually I have too low on calories or too high on fats but I was perfect on everything and yes I even counted the ketchup and mayonnaise I ate with the fries...

Baby steps... The fat didn't get there over night, so why do we think it will fall off that way, that it will simply just disappear...

The next time I am feeling over emotional, like this morning, and my mind starts "craving" a naughty food, I need to get up and walk some where, or start writing or reading, but not caving in... Sorry emotional eating, but I am breaking off this relationship... It's not me, it's you...

Love, peace and we are breaking up...
Musicsongbird

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Day 393...Year 2

Giving up is never easy... There are so many outside influences that try and drag you back, the biggest one being yourself... Two weeks ago I decided that I needed to start cutting out the extra sugar, soda, sweet tea, chocolate, etc.... I can't say I have been 100% because I would be lying, but I have done pretty well...

It's crazy because I can definitely tell I was consuming too much added sugar because I feel slight changes in my body every now and then... I'm not feeling hungry as quickly as before in between meals and I am realizing that there are other sweet things to eat instead of the processed sugars... Mom got me freeze dried fruit, not the dried stuff at the grocery, they have added sugars... I have been mixing it in with my cereal and making my own trail mix for a quick snack...

I'm not saying if I have or haven't lost any weight but I am feeling more energized and I am planning on competing in the Jingle Jungle 5K and the Happy Haunted 5K this fall... Yep... TWO 5K's.... I just have to stay focused on me and my health this year...

Well, I need to be heading to bed and start my next goal and that is in bed by 10:30 and I am already 3 minutes late!!!

Love, peace and I give up....
Musicsongbird

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Day 392...Year 2

When I came home today there was a box on the table waiting for me... I haven't ordered anything and when I looked at the address it wasn't anything I recognized, so I grabbed the scissor and opened it up... Inside I pulled out a Stella Artois Beer Glass... I got it for free online and had forgotten about it until I opened the box... It's kind of funny that in came today because this morning I was talking with my co-workers about how I should blog tonight about how to get free stuff online and with your smart phone... So I guess I will... :)

Mypoints.com
I have been getting free stuff online from them since around 1996... I can't remember how I found my favorite rewards site but I have gotten so many different types of gift cards from it over the years that I have lost track just how many.... Wal-Mart, Target, I-Tunes, Subway, Red Lobster, Rain Forest Cafe, Game Stop and that is just a few... This site is so easy for shoppers and non-shoppers alike... You get email and survey offers sent to you daily and if you aren't into the shopping part, most of their emails have a 5 point deal for just visiting the partner site through the link... They also have an option to clip grocery coupons and earn points for redeeming them... When you accumulate enough points it is usually only 2-3 weeks before you get your gift card in the mail...
Referral Code for Mypoints:  https://www.mypoints.com/emp/u/refSignup.do?refCode=PtvsoWU65MWIJ--9D&arr=s9&afsrc=1&src=EXTERNAL_PUBLICATION

SwagBucks
I have two different search engines I go to because I can earn points through both and then of course the points add up to free stuff... I use SwagBucks the most because I feel like I get more points through it and it uses Google Search as it's partner... You don't get Bucks with every search but I will say the more you search the more the chance of getting points and it isn't usually 1 or 2 it's 8 or 27 or more... I like this one because I can redeem for cash through Paypal, but they also do physical rewards (clothes, books, etc) not just gift cards... I have it set up on my computer as my default search engine...
Referral code: http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/musicsongbird73

Bing
The other search engine is of course Bing... For every 2 searches you earn 1 point, up to 30 searches per day... It's a little confining with it's points and they don't have a ton for rewards but if you like Starbucks or Amazon then this is the one for you...
Referral Code:  http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9778718&rrid=_f60fafa5-fab6-ce30-cf90-027e34e584b8

If you drink Coca Cola Products then you should be using MyCokeRewards or if you love the NFL, join NFL Fan Rewards on the NFL.com page...

Here are a few more referral links for other sites I use for shopping or surveys...
Bondrewards.com
StartSampling.com   Referred by: SAYLOVE13
MySurvey.com

I have a few others I do online but I am getting rid of them because it either takes along time to earn points for redemption or it takes forever to actually get your reward... Mom submitted her redemption to RewardPort.com in September and still hasn't received her $25 Target Gift Card...

So happy free free stuff and there will be stuff about earning free stuff with your smart phone soon!!!

Love, peace and love the free...
Musicsongbird

Friday, January 25, 2013

Day 391...Year 2

My friends say I am the crazy cat lady and I guess with having 5 cats, I have a good head start...  As a pet owner I often talk to my cats and I wonder what they are thinking? My poor eldest cat, Belle, probably would have a few choice words to say to me if she could speak... But I know even though having three kittens is a trial on us all, she will come to tolerate them just like she has with Gabriel...

BFF often gives me trouble when I talk to the cats... He says they don't understand me and they don't talk to me, but he is just jealous because he can't hear them and I can... OK that makes me sound like I have just jumped off the deep end, but when you have a pet for a long time, and he knows it because I believe he does it too, they talk to you in their own way...

I love my cats, they are my kids and if that makes me crazy, then grab my straight jacket and get my rubber room ready, just as long as there is a litter box for my cats...

I believe God blessed me with the imagination that I have so I can make myself happy and others as well... If I didn't have the imagination that I have, I couldn't do my job the way I do and I don't believe I would do as well as I do... I received a message this week from a life long friend, "Vicki", that told me how are times having fun together growing up were some of her best memories... They were mine too... We created stories and explored other worlds and we laughed and laughed and laughed together... Who knows, maybe I will write about those adventures some day, or maybe I will just keep them tucked away in my heart, but no matter what they are some of my fondest memories from growing up...

Love, peace and pure imagination...
Musicsongbird

"Imagination is the foundation of reality, unless you can first imagine these things they will never be..."
          - paraphrased from Gallagher


Thursday, January 24, 2013

Day 390...Year 2

My exhaustion is quickly catching up with me...

There is nothing sweeter than to have someone cook for you... My Mom cooks dinner for me most nights and I appreciate it very much... I know when someone cooks for you they put their heart and soul into it... Tonight, BFF made Pad Thai for me... This was the first time he ever made it and he was a little nervous... But worries aside he did an amazing job, so much so that I had a 2nd helping...

I believe cooking for someone shows how much you care for them... Even if it doesn't turn out like you want it to, at least you tried your best and that is the thought that counts...

Love, peace and what's cooking...
Musicsongbird

One of my favorite recipes that my Aunt Pat makes whenever we visit:


Strawberry Dessert

Crust:
1 c flour
½ c brown sugar
½ c chopped nuts
½ c melted margarine

Mix ingredients together and spread in a shallow pan. Bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees. Stir with a fork after 10 minutes, then again at the end of the 20 minutes.  After ingredients have been baked, spread ½ of crumbs in a spring form pan. Reserve the rest for topping.

Filling:
3 egg whites
1 – 16oz pkg frozen strawberries (1lb or 1 qt of fresh strawberries may be used. If using fresh berries, crush berries in processor and add 2 or 3 pkgs of sweet and low)
1 c sugar
1 – 8oz container of cool whip
1 tsp vanilla

Beat egg whites until stiff. Add strawberries and sugar. Continue beating until mixture is stiff. Fold in cool whip and vanilla. Mix thoroughly. Pour into spring form pan. Cover with the reserved topping. Cover tightly and freeze. Will keep in freezer for at least 2 weeks if covered tightly. 

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Day 389...Year 2

I love the days where I learn something more about a person and what makes them tick... Something that truly inspires me... Today I ran into someone who used to work in the park and has now moved on to another park... We got to talking about how things were going and what he was up to... He is now a coordinator and he is still working with the Military... His job with the military is welcome home and help council the military men and women that have been wounded in action and are now facing their futures as amputees...

He is in a wheelchair... I knew of his work with the military and had always assumed he had been injured in the line of duty... Today I finally had the nerve to ask what had happened and He was more than happy to share.... He quickly launched into a story about how his helicopter was flying over China, when he began to giggle... He apologized quickly and explained that he was messing with his friend that was also sitting with us... In reality he was never in the military... His story actually began when he was a toddler living in New Jersey... He explained that the pipes in their home were huge and that allowed the water going into the tub to get scalding hot... On this particular day his Mother has filled the bath tub half way with the hot water,she had also added bleach and then put some laundry in to clean... Upon seeing that the tub had water in it, his older brother believed it was for their bath... Since my friend was too little to get into the tub on his own, his brother helped him in... He went into the scalding bleach water face first... When his Mother found him they pulled him out and rushed him to the Hospital... Upon arrival he was out into an ice bath to stop the burning and then a salve of sorts was applied to try and heal the burns...

His poor sweet face was basically burned off... Within a week of the injury, gangrene began to set in and they had to amputate his right leg and then his left to just below the knee cap... He also lost all of his fingers on his right hand and some of his fingers on his left had as well... Over the course of the next four years they rebuilt his face, seeing him now you would not believe his face had been gone... He did not leave the hospital until he was 5 years old...

Of all of the children that came in with sever burn injuries like his, he was one of the few that survived... When he was questioned if he remembered much of the ordeal he said he remembered pounding his fist on the wall because he wanted to go home... He also recalled parents of other burn victims crying over their loss and he attributes that to his drive to stay alive... For someone who has been through so much he has such an amazing positive outlook on life....

When he told us about when he first joined the police department he was called in to speak with an officer that had been injured in the line of duty and had lost the use of his legs... Of course the officer was very upset and spoke of how his life was over... But what he explained to the officer was that, that part of his life was over, but he still had so much to live for... This is the same encouragement he continues to give this day to the Military men and women he meets and the disabled cast members he assists with at Disney...

He is truly an inspiration... As I sat there and heard his story it made me realize that no matter what happened to me all of those years ago, that is not what defines me as a human, just like the loss of a limb or the fact that someone is in a wheelchair, doesn't define them... What defines you is who you want to be... We are all stronger than the things that try and tear us apart inside... I may have been one way in the past, but when tragedy strikes we have to learn to except that what has happened can't be undone and that giving up is not an option...

Love, peace and giving up is not an option...
Musicsongbird

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Day 388...Year 2

Oh what a night... I wasn't sure how my first closing shift in months was going to be, but I had a blast... Despite three dizzy spells, I managed to assist my trainee in making magic for many guests and then making some magic for ourselves as well...

For almost an hour, my trainee drove a mini monorail with Perry the Platypus riding on top, around under spaceship earth, with a trail of Mickey stickers following behind... On the front was a little sign reading "Please take 1 sticker." We had little kids laughing and squealing with delight, along with some adults trying to figure out just which of us was truly driving the monorail... At one point we had a couple of little boys and their light sabers, running around telling Perry to go forward and stop, which he would magically obey...  The younger of the two was wearing Oswald the Rabbit ears, so when the time came that I needed to ask him a question I called out to him as Oswald... Now most kids don't think about what hat they are wearing usually and will generally ignore you, but not this kid... He quickly replied with the answer as if Oswald was his actual name... This went on until the boys parents came out of the store to leave... When one of the girls told him what the boys had been up to, they laughed and thanked us for spending so much time with them...

When my trainee and I were walking out tonight she turned to me and said how much she loved that I was happy all of the time... She said she had so much fun and was really glad to be in the area... I made my heart happy... This is why I do what I do...

I realize now that when people ask me where I have been for the past few months, I kind of get a negative tone about losing my TA, even though I have no hard feelings against the person that replaced me... I need to let it go and move forward because another role is out there for me, it's just not my time yet... I need to put those feelings aside and enjoy the journey I am on right now...

Love, peace and enjoy the journey...
Musicsongbird

Monday, January 21, 2013

Day 387...Year 2

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the entire staircase." - Dr. Martin Luther Ling Jr. 

When I began my journey to Florida, I had no idea where the road would take me, but I know God would be with the whole way... Was I afraid? I would be lying to say that I wasn't... Am I happier for taking the leap of faith in moving? Of course I am...

As I read through all of these amazing quotes by Mr. King, I found quite a few that really hit the heart...

Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?' 

This is exactly what I was getting at with yesterday's blog... Are we putting ourselves out there to help others? Are we making ourselves available?

Just something to ponder...

Love, peace and what are you doing?
Musicsongbird

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Day 386...Year 2

I love my job and I can't imagine doing anything different... Today reaffirmed the previous statement for me...  As my co-core and I were walking through the park, we were approached by a couple in need of medical attention... I didn't think twice, I immediately went into action... Finding a place for the guest to sit comfortably while we waited for help to arrive.... I asked what I deemed to be the important questions to gain information for the 911 operator and then I quickly, without panicking made the call for help... Once I was able to reassure the guest that help was on it's way, we waited and spoke to the different leaders that approached to assist and relayed the information of what had transpired... When the paramedics arrived we assisted in keeping guests at bay and then when they took the guest to get more medical attention, the leaders thanked us for our assistance and sent us to continue with our day...

I think that was the hardest part, not getting to know what the outcome was... I have been involved in many many 911 calls in the past 5 years, but this one has truly impressed upon me how important my training was for handling these types of situations...When my co-core and I talked about it afterwards, we both said we were glad we were there to assist and we couldn't imagined what would have happened if we hadn't been there to help... I know someone would have helped but it may not have had the same end result...

Most people think my job is to train new cast and make magic for our Guests and that is true, but my other job is to listen and to assist in any way that I can and that is what I need to remind myself... It's funny because as I just reread that last statement I realized, that it's all of our jobs to be good stewards to others... So very often people ask for help and can come up with any reason in the world to ignore them... Let's start a movement of being good helpers to our fellow man...

Love, peace and lend a helping hand...
Musicsongbird

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Day 385...Year 2

I received an instant message last night from a friend... He was a trainee last summer and we were instant pals... He was back in town and was going to be working tonight at my park and asked if I would be around... I told him I would be and when I was off work I went to the location and waited for him to come in... I haven't been in this particular location in a few weeks so when I walked into the cast area everyone I came in contact with was so sweet and so nice, making me feel like a family member that was home after being away on a trip...

Well, just before he was about to be late for his shift he came walking in cool as a cucumber and clocked in, but not before getting a huge smile on his face and giving me a big hug... We were only able to chat for a few minutes but it was so nice to see him again... So very often, in my line of work, we meet people and we think we have created these amazing bonds, but once they leave you just end up with a lot of FB friends, but not "actual" friends... Thankfully, I believe this friendship is an actual one... How do I know? After over five years of meeting thousands of new "friends", I have become kind of an expert at knowing when the feelings of friendship are genuine and when that person is, pardon the expression, blowing smoke up my bum... ;)

Love, peace and watch out for smoke signals...
Musicsongbird

PS
Good luck on your new job, B-NY! See you on your next time down...

Friday, January 18, 2013

Day 384...Year 2

I had a bit of a melancholy moment today... But instead of just letting the depression take over like I normally would, I tried to actually listen to what my body was trying to tell me... In the past I would just allow the sadness to envelope me, but now that I am learning how to listen to my body, it's getting better... I am still a worrier... I worry about what others think of me, I worry if others are happy... You might say I over think things a lot... It is something I struggle with... For so long I have had to put up this mask... This happy all the time, life of the party, laugh with me so you aren't laughing at me mentality that it is hard to stop worrying so much... 

As I was sitting in my car, contemplating all of these things this afternoon, this song came on the radio... It has been a favorite of mine since it was released a while back and I know I have blogged the lyrics before, but it is one of those things that bears repeating... No matter what comes my way though all of this unloading of the emotional and metal baggage I have been carrying around, I know even through the tears and pain, God is truly making me stronger...

Stronger
By: Mandisa

Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

Love, peace and this will make me stronger...
Musicsongbird

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Day 383...Year 2

Everyday I find a reason to smile a little bit more... The hurt is lessening, the fear isn't quite as strong...It's amazing to think about all of things in my life that I have overcome... But it's a little scary to know that my journey to a healthy mental/emotional me isn't over...

The great thing I know in my heart is that I have an amazing support system to watch over me and be there when I need them... Mom, BFF and Pin Doc are so supportive and I thank them for being here for me whenever I need them...

Over the past month at the Pin Doc I have been working through some deep issues and it's funny because today I really started to feel how my body is reacting... The Pin Doc has these amazing zero gravity chairs that Mom and I sit in during our sessions and they are totally comfy the way they allow you to relax...normally... However, I have noticed that ever since the unleashing of the kraken (my inner turmoil), when I sit down and then sit back, my body is very rigid, like it won't relax into the chair... However, by the end of my session I am noticing that my body is a little less rigid and a little more relaxed.... I'm still not used to the spasms that occur during the appointment, but part of me is disappointed when they don't happen...

It is a strange feeling to be laying there with 10-15 pins stuck in different parts of your body and feel the energy move around from one area to the next... I have to say that it is pretty cool... It was cool last week going in with a minor headache and having her pin me on my head... Yes, she put a needle in my head, right where the pain was and within a few minutes the pain was gone... It's nice to not have to constantly be downing pills to relieve the pain... Who knows, maybe some day I won't have to take the happy pills anymore, because we will have uncovered everything that has been causing the sadness...

Love, peace and let the healing flow...
Musicsongbird


Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Day 382...Year 2

I have to say how amazed I am with technology... Right now, my friends from High School and I are all chatting on FB, from different cities across the US... The conversation started a few days ago and each night it continues... I am so blessed to have reunited with this group last summer and it is so great to see that all of the promises of keeping in touch weren't just empty words...

It's nice to know that as I get older, there are still people out there besides my relatives, that care about what happens to me... 

When I saw this, it made me think of all of my friends, no matter how far away they are, they are in my heart forever...

Love, peace and forever...
Musicsongbird

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Day 381...Year 2

Well, I guess I didn't do so good at listening today... I made it to work... for 15 whole minutes before I went home... I went to the doctor and found out I have a virus, thankfully not the flu, and in order to go back to work I must be fever free for 24 hours, so tomorrow I will be home again...

I had a talk with my Mom was finally honest about a few things with her and I realized something new... When you aren't honest with the ones you love, you aren't being honest with yourself... I have felt like there has been a wall between my Mom and I for awhile because I wasn't being totally honest with her and now I feel like the wall has been knocked down... It's like I huffed and puffed and blew it down...

You know what they say, the truth shall set you free...

Love, peace and truth...
Musicsongbird

Monday, January 14, 2013

Day 380...Year 2

Why is it that we all have such a hard time listening to our bodies?  We get so busy with running here and there and eating on the run that we don't take time to stop and listen to what our bodies are telling us, until it makes us listen... When we get sick we have no choice but to listen... But when we listen to our bodies are we actually hearing and understanding what it is telling us?

When I was in my COT role, I became very good at going to bed by 10:30 at the latest... It was a task the Pin Doc told me to try and adhere to... The body needs time to rest and when we have a set bed time we are allowing it to do so... Plus, it will start to shut down for the evening whether we like it or not (yawn!!!!)... Hence some crazy blogs I have written in the past year...

It's not just for sleep that we need to listen to our body... We also need to listen and let it tell us when it is hungry... We want actual hunger, not head hunger... Not, I am bored so I will clean out the fridge hunger... Sometimes when we think we are hungry, we are really just thirsty... So, the next time you get that gnawing feeling, try have a glass of water... If after 20 minutes, you are still hungry then look at the time of day and maybe you can curb your appetite with a low calories snack...

Having been off work for the past three days, I have done pretty much what my body has told me... Now I am finally feeling like myself again... No more wonkyness... Now if I can remember everything I learned about listening and hearing over the past few days, my battle of the bulge may be more successful...

Love, peace and listen...
Musicsongbird

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Day 379...Yr 2

Being sick is no fun, especially when you can't pin point what the sickness is... From what I can tell I am pretty sure it's the flu... Even though I had a flu shot, I can still get it just not as severe... So, I slept from around 11pm last night, until 7am this morning. Was up long enough to call in to work and then fell back to sleep until around noon. I was up about an hour and then I went back to sleep until around 5... I am warm and still my tummy is feeling fuzzy... Don't you just wish when you were feeling bad that you could just throw up and get it over with... Which reminds me of a story...

Comedian Mark Lowry, talks about growing up in a southern Baptist home and how going to church was a must in his home. So if one of the kids would go to their dad on Sunday morning and say they were sick, he would say, "Throw up and prove it." Then once they threw up he would say, "Don't you feel better? Now let's go to church." Well, I can tell you it sure would help explain what is wrong with me if I did...

I have to say, I am pretty blessed to have a great Mom to take care of me... 

Love, peace and wish I felt better...
Musicsongbird

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Day 378...Year 2

Feeling shaky, the cause is not the intense game on the TV... I know my body is battling something... Don't you just hate when you don't feel well and you can't really do anything to make it better... You just have to let whatever it is run it's course...

It's kind of like when you are waiting for something to happen... Whether it's the anticipation of a trip, or you are waiting for an important call, there is nothing you can do to make time go by faster... You just have to sit back and patiently wait for it to come...

Love, peace and just waiting...
Musicsongbird

Friday, January 11, 2013

Day 377...Year 2

That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind...

These were words that changed the world... We had put a man on the moon... Now, I am not saying my race to the losing line is going to be that huge of a deal to the world, but it will be in my world...

Tonight at dinner with Mom and BFF, I ordered a yummy dish and when the waitress came up she asked if I thought I was going to kill my dish. (It means finish) I replied with a hearty, Yup, I'm gonna kill it... But as she walked away, BFF turned to me and asked me an important question... "But aren't you going to have cheesecake?" I replied quickly that I was but as I started to continue to eat my meal I realized that I had stopped paying attention to how my body was feeling and was focusing on all of the poor children in Africa that don't have food if I didn't clean my plate... Now this is silly for two reasons....

The first is that no matter if I eat everything on my plate or not, their will still be children, not only in Africa, but everywhere all over the world that are starving....And second, my parents NEVER threatened me like that when I was young...

I eat because I can... Pure and simple... The food is there, so I eat it... I didn't get fat over night, it took years of trying... I know I can't lose it all over night; well not without major painful surgery, but I am going to much more mindful when I am eating...

Love, peace and leading the losers...
Musicsongbird

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Day 376...Year 2

Sometimes choosing to forgive someone for something they never apologized for is the hardest thing we can do... As I am going through this healing process I have had so many emotions and most of them have been directed at myself... But last week, my emotions were finally directed towards the one that did all of the damage and as hard as it is, knowing full well that I will NEVER get an apology from him... I had to forgive him... The only way I can get through my healing is by forgiving the one that did the damage and knowing I will never allow someone to hurt me like that again...

I was talking to Mom on the way home from the Pin Doc today, about when I was younger and how I never made it through a slumber party until I was in the 6th grade, I think... I would get to the point in the sleep over where we were getting ready for bed and then I would start to get upset and they would have to call my house and have someone come up the street to get me... We never understood why until now... It wasn't that I was afraid of the dark or of my friends, but rather what could happen to me in the dark, even though I was safe...

The hardest thing about healing, is letting go... Letting go of the hurt, the pain, the fear and the humiliation... I am ready to move forward, a happy and healthier me, both mentally and physically...

Love, peace and learning to let go...
Musicsongbird


Foolish heart looks like we're here againSame old game of plastic smile don't let anybody inHiding my heartache, will this glass house breakHow much will they take before I'm emptyDo I let it show, does anybody know?
But you see the real me hiding in my skin, broken from withinUnveil me completely I'm loosening my graspThere's no need to mask my frailty'Cause you see the real me
Painted on, life is behind a maskSelf-inflicted circus clown I'm tired of the song and danceLiving a charade, always on paradeWhat a mess I've made of my existenceBut you love me even now and still I see somehow
But you see the real me hiding in my skin, broken from withinUnveil me completely I'm loosening my graspThere's no need to mask my frailty'Cause you see the real me
Wonderful, beautiful is what you seeWhen you look at meYou're turning the tattered fabric of my life intoA perfect tapestry I just wanna be me
But you see the real me hiding in my skin, broken from withinUnveil me completely I'm loosening my graspThere's no need to mask my frailty'Cause you see the real me and you love me just as I amWonderful, beautiful is what you see when you look at me
-Natalie Grant

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Day 375...Year 2

So, I am in a strange place tonight... I am not sure what to write about... So I text BFF to ask him what I should write about... The conversation looked like this... (ignore the spelling errors)

Me: I dobt know what to write
BFF: Hmmmn...
Me: maybe I should take the nite off
BFF: :O NO!!!!
Me: why, I made it one year
BFF: Lol.
BFF: Because its good for you and u inspire hundreds of people
BFF: Talk about your dreams
BFF: Your wishes
BFF: How pretty I am
BFF: Lol

So, with his encouragement... I am still at a loss for words...

Sometimes when you have a lack of words, that is when God is wanting you to be silent and to listen... You learn a lot more about questions in your heart when you are silent and listen, than when you talk through the answer...

Love, peace and silence...
Musicsongbird

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Day 374...Year 2

It's interesting to see what I wrote about a year ago and see how it has affected me now... The topic was about learning something new each day... Not doing the same thing over and over... Even though we are creatures of habit, same breakfast each morning, same general parking area each morning, for some the same lunch each day, etc. etc... We can still step out and try new things from time to time... I think this is why I enjoy my job, because for me, it's not the same thing over and over... Each day is different... The cast and guests I deal with changes each day... Just like my blog changes each day...
So, to tie this all together in a neat little bow, I too have felt a little change today... A change in me... I felt a little spark of joy that I haven't felt in awhile... I'm not saying that I haven't been happy but there is a difference between happiness and joy, at least they way I feel it... So what happened today that caused me joy?
I am a singer... For as long back as I can remember I have sang, until the past year or so... BFF likes to sing me songs in the car, real and made up... When he asks me to sing to him, I just laugh and change the subject... I haven't felt like I have had a song in my heart for awhile... I used to crank up the radio on the way to and from work, singing at the top of my lungs with all of my heart and soul and now I just kind of hum along... That is until this evening on the way home...
When I got in the car, a song I use to love to sing was playing on the radio and I began to sing along... Not like hum but really sing, like I was leading the worship service at church, kind of singing... Then when the song ended I flipped on my CD player in hopes I would have more music to sing along with... I pressed disc two and held my breath, hoping it wouldn't be Christmas tunes and the beginning notes of my favorite, Sandy Patty, rang out through the speakers... Well, honey I had me a worship service and it felt good...
Sometimes in life, we get so wrapped up in the sameness of our daily living that we stop doing things that we love to do... Whether it's singing, or crafting, building things or cooking, gardening or even exercising... We start to lose our passion, that little spark of joy that makes us who we are...
Love, peace and find your joy...
Musicsongbird

Monday, January 7, 2013

Day 373...Year 2

I've wrote about listening to your body before, when it's in regards to eating... However that is also true for resting... Whether that is relaxing and just sitting quietly or it's to actually sleep, we need to learn to listen to our bodies better...

Listening is probably one of the most important thing we can do for our body... We listen for our body to tell us it is hungry... Many people don't know what is actual hunger and what is head hunger... We might not know what comfortable is, but most of us know what stuffed feels like... Did you know it takes about 20 minutes for your stomach to signal to your brain that you are full? So if we aren't rushing our meals and allow ourselves to take our time and enjoy what we are eating, we will be less likely to overeat and we may find ourselves eating a lot less...

Time to listen to my body...

Love, peace and nighty night!!!
Musicsongbird

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Day 372...Year 2

It is incredible how the body reacts when you are emotionally unloading... I'm not really sure how to even explain this... My acupuncturist will now be referred to as Pin Doc... As my Pin Doc explained it, I had to purge the memories and thus purging the emotions and then the physical toll the ordeal played on my body... At least this is how I am understanding it... It's like our bodies have emotional memory of trauma and when we face that trauma to remove the pain of it's memory, our body can also react by purging the memory as well, so in my case... I was sick to my stomach over night... I woke up around 6:30 to try and get ready for work, I took my shower and tried to eat to test my stomach and when 7 hit I knew I wasn't going to make it in, so I called out... I then returned to bed to wake up again around 10:30... My head was pounding with a migraine so I took some medicine and transferred out to the love seat. When Mom came home from church she made me lunch and then I fell back to sleep and woke up again at 3, feeling refreshed and well again...

The Pin Doc has been texting me every day to see how things are going for me and I told her what I had been through since the previous night and she text back and said that this was not unusual and rest was the best thing I could do for my body...

For some it may be hard to grasp all of this... But if you only knew my whole story you would understand... God doesn't work just one way for every person... Because we have free will, we are all guided in a different way... What works for me, may not work for you but when you get a chance to know my story and see all of what I have been through, you will see God's hand in it every step of the way...

Love, peace and finding healing...
Musicsongbird

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Day 371...Year 2

Yesterday I spoke a little bit about uncovering some past hurt and today I think I need to explain it a little further... I have said this before but it bares repeating... Parents you need to teach your children that words hurt... Calling another kid; stupid, ugly, gay, fat, whale, grouch, I think you get my point, is unacceptable... They are especially unacceptable coming from you... Words like that stick with children...

Around the third grade I started emotional eating and thus began gaining weight... By the 8th grade I was 185 pounds... I was called fat, whale, lard ass, you name it... I didn't wear jeans until maybe my Junior Year in High School because they didn't make them for plus size girls back then... Thankfully or maybe unthankfully, I grew up with a very outgoing personality... So any pain I experienced from the names was buried down beneath the food and the fat and I became the funny, crazy girl... I realized early on in life, if I was the center of attention, no one would notice how fat I was, they would only see me or the me I wanted everyone to see... The reality is, I was and still am battling the pain from all of those years of hurt from others...

Anyone who has been hurt when they are younger by bullying handles it differently, but the same result is always true... That person grows up still hurting... For some, they create a world of fantasy around them where they are safe yet the hurt is still inside... For others, they close themselves off from others because they are afraid of getting hurt again... They keep a small group of close friends, but keeps everyone else at arms length...

We will just say what I had on Thursday is a break through, because it is to drawn out to truly explain what I went through to get to this point...  When I was feeling better I text my acupuncturist and asked her this simple question... "Why is it that when I was in therapy and seeing a life coach, they said knowing about my past hurts was enough, that I didn't need to know the specifics to get better? But now I am truly facing the hurt and calling it what it is, even though it hurts?" (OK, I know that was a big question) Her response was simple... They wanted to make sure I wasn't going to become more depressed and that I had a good support system. Now that those things are in place, I was prepared to face those things that hurt me the most...

I thank God that He has allowed the right people to come into my life to help me face these hurts... And I thank my Mom and my Dad for listening to me the night I didn't want to go... For not making me go and for God giving me the strength to say something, even though I didn't tell them why I didn't want to go...

Not everyone that reads this that has been hurt will have the courage to do what I have done... All I can tell you, is that you are strong enough to get past the hurt and pain... You owe it to yourself to find healing... You only get one chance at life and I am tired of wasting mine being sad... Of giving those that hurt me the power... They may have thought they had the power with their words and deeds back then, but I refuse to allow them to have it now...

Love, peace and you are strong...
Musicsongbird

Friday, January 4, 2013

Day 370...Year 2

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile???

The spelling!!!!

Another great end to a fun filled day with my borrowed family... If you ever have a chance to go to Gatorland, it is well worth the admission price... The shows are fun and interesting and the experience of seeing 1,000's of gators is one you will not soon forget...It is especially enjoyable when you are with people you love...

The other great thing you can do is sit down with everyone, have a great meal and watch Wipeout... I haven't laughed so hard in quite awhile, and it wasn't just me...

Lately I have been struggling with some things and they finally came to a head yesterday and a lot of years of pain and suffering came to the surface and was released from my life... Sometimes it is just good to sit down and let the pain out... To allow ourselves that emotional release...Where we can finally look at ourselves and not be disappointed or ashamed...To allow ourselves to truly heal...

Love, peace and let the healing continue...

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Day 369...Year 2

I have a new niece in my life... She is 8 years old and as cute as a button... Today was only the second time I have gotten to see her since she became a part of my borrowed family...

The first time I met her, earlier this past year; we had gone to her little league practice and then out for pizza... We bonded over video games... Then I didn't see her again until this morning, when I walked into the condo they are staying at this morning, she got up and ran over and gave me a huge hug... I didn't realize I had made such a connection with her... I know BFF had told me that when she had come up to Disney in November she had told her family that maybe she would see me when she went to Epcot... But the hug was just the beginning...

When she found out that I was going to have leave then for awhile this afternoon, due to a pin cushion appointment, she wanted to make sure I was going to meet up with them again...

When it was raining and everyone was sitting at a table with an umbrella and the seating was tight... I decided I would stand under the umbrella next to the other table and she decided I couldn't stand there alone so she came over and joined me...

The thing that sealed it for me tonight and I knew without a shadow of a doubt, that she excepts me as a member of her borrowed family, was when she reached up a took my hand as we walked through the park...It was a if she took my heart in her hand and said, "You are a part of my family now..."

Love, peace and borrowed families... Musicsongbird

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Day 368...Year 2

So, today wasn't very successful on the diet track but normal standards, but I did manage to go Coke and Coffee free today... So that in itself was a gold star in my book...

Am I going to perfect every day?

No...

Will I have perfect days?

It would be nice...

I loved seeing most of my co-workers back to work today and hearing how many of them are starting a new diet... Why is it that we all wait until the New Year, to "try again" at losing weight?... I think it's because we all see the change in the year as a new start... I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it, I am doing it myself, but maybe the focus shouldn't be so much on, "I can't east this" or "I have to eliminate" that, as it should be I want to make better choices so I can be healthier...

I learned a pretty important lesson today about indulgence and I wish I would have taken it heart right away instead of over indulging as I did... As a thank you for the work our team did in Germany over the past week, the area gave us a tray of Cookies and treats covered in Caramel.... We divided it up for our Core team and then broke the remaining treats into smaller pieces to share with our Merch COT team... As we were doing this our Boss said, "It's better to give them just a taste, they really don't need to whole thing. With that small taste they will be satisfied." This also brought to mind something BFF's Mom told me once. She said, "think about when you eat a delicious dessert... We indulge in those first bites but then we continue eating it without any thought, except maybe that we need to finish it..."

We need to forget everything we are taught as children about cleaning our plates... We want to eat slowly, enjoying the food we are eating, tasting every bite and only eating until we are satisfied... When we race through our meal we miss out enjoying the food that is nourishing us and many times we end up eating things we don't really even enjoy...

Love, peace and really taste your food... Musicsongbird

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Day 367... Year 2

I can only blame the circumstances from my childhood to a point... Now that I have gotten therapy and I have faced my past, it is up to me to change my future... Because of my past it caused me to use food to mask the pain... It has caused me to treat food as a comfort... When I eat I don't have to face the pain, because the food is my friend... I don't want to forget what my plan is for 2013... This blog is called Skinny Girl in a Fat Girl's body... Well it's time to finally release the skinny girl within... In the past year I have tried so many tricks and programs to lose weight and all I have lost is the money either Mom or myself, put into it...

Now it is time to truly take what I have learned from all of the diets; Weight Watchers, 30/30/40, South Beach, The Blood Type Diet and the life coach, and finally do it Skinny Girl Style...

All I can do is take it one day at a time... Does that mean I am going to be perfect everyday? Never have sweets again, never indulge again? Absolutely NOT!!! When we focus on always being perfect we set ourselves up to fail... When we fall short we disappoint ourselves and then we give up...

I learned an important lesson over this past year... I set my mind to writing my blog everyday and guess what? I accomplished it... Even on the nights I was too tired that I just wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep, I made the time and that is what I have to do to lose the weight and get healthier... Make the time, focus on me and do what I have to do to make it happen... I can't rely on anyone else to do it for me...

Some people can't believe I would share my life like this, but as I have said before, I don't share everything... I will however share the triumphs and the challenges...

Love, peace and Happy 2nd Year!!! Musicsongbird