Friday, December 28, 2012

Day 363 of 365

So I just realized as I was counting down to the 31st, my blog has been wrong for the past 363 days... We had a leap day this year... So my blog should have been out of 366... So the title should be Day 363 of 365 366... So for the final 3 blogs of the year it will be corrected...

As BFF and I were driving back home tonight, I did a lot of thinking... Thinking about my life and everything that I have gone through in the past year and the things that finally came out in my quest to get mentally healthy... I now realize something huge... If I were 100% mentally healthy, I wouldn't be at my heaviest like I am now... I am still using food as a barrier or protector from everything else...

Thus my fat has become a kind of protection, but in reality it has become a weapon, against myself... I haven't had this much pain on a daily basis in my entire life... My hands go numb, as I am typing this I am having pain in my finger joints... I have began snoring badly, which was never an issue before... My hips and lower back are always soar and the muscles are tight...

I have no energy to do anything but I know I should, because if I spend time moving the pain will subside... I thought training for the 5K would help, but once it ended so did my walking... I thought Weight Watchers online would help, but I made up excuses not to document... I have the tools, years of dieting taught me what I should know, it's the putting into practice and following it is what I need to do...

One other thing I need to do is continue working on my mental health... Believe me, I don't take lightly, the abuse I was subjected to as a child, I live with it everyday of my life... I have forgiven the person that did it, but it is going to take time to undo the damage it did to me mentally... I know that is why BFF was put into my life... God is using him to help me see myself in a healthy way... To help me get through the shame and the fear I have felt down deep for the majority of my life...

Through Christ, I know no shame and I know no fear... I only know love and peace...

Love, peace and no fear... Musicsongbird