Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Day 214 of 365

Sometimes when you hold things in for too long they begin to destroy you from the inside, tearing apart the true person within. When you get the bad out you allow more room for the good so the next time the bad comes around the good can say, "sorry there is no room for you, so move on."

I'm a visual/kinesthetic person; I learn best when I can see it and than do it. So, imagine a drawing of a person with a hole where their stomach would be. That's what I was like after therapy. I was able to dig deep and get all of the junk from inside me out. All the pain and hurt and trauma that had buried itself deep inside was pulled out; leaving me with a huge hole. Instead of filling it with all positive things I let negative feelings begin to harbor in that place and I began to bury hurt feelings, self pity and sorrow there once again.

Then I revert back to that hurt little girl and I become dependent of others for happiness instead of on the One I can always rely on. After going to Daytona, Student Life, a few weeks ago I felt that stir inside I had been missing so much, that feeling that I remember so well from years ago. But the stubborn me wanted to hold on instead of letting go and I believe over the past week I have been slowly realizing that I can only feel that way again if I dig the junk that filled the hole in me out and let God refill it again.

Am I saying I am perfect now and I won't ever have another emotional melt down? Oh, come now, if any of you have known me for any length of time you will know that that isn't possible, but I will try to keep it at a minimum. I just need to remember that next time I feel the need to run, I run in the right direction to the one that understands no matter what.

Love, peace and know peace
Musicsongbird


Tell me why do you run
you say you’re so ashamed
Bruised and broken
Thought if I figured out
The mess you made 
that I’d leave

but anywhere you are 
Is never too far away.
There's freedom from your scars.
The mistakes that you made,
Forgiven,
The memories erased. 
Baby, that's the beauty of grace

Lah dee dah, lah dee dah dah

Tell me what is love?
I'll never hold you to 
the things you may have done.
You say you want new life;
In my arms, there's mercy!

but anywhere you are 
Is never too far away.
There's freedom from your scars.
The mistakes that you made,
Forgiven,
The memories erased. 
Baby, that's the beauty of grace

Lah dee dah, lah dee dah dah

So blow a kiss
Goodbye to all 
the pain you hide!

but anywhere you are 
Is never too far away.
There's freedom from your scars.
The memories erased. 
Baby, that's the beauty of grace

Krystal Grace - The Beauty of Grace