Day 34 of 365

So, obviously I had to tell my brothers about this because for them to read this (if they chose to) would not be a great way for them to find out.  So I told my oldest brother first and let me tell you, it was easier to blog about here then it was to tell him.  I was so afraid of what his response would be, because I listened to the lies in my head. His response was not what I expected, it was one of love and concern. A few weeks later he called my mom with a problem of his own and said he didn't want me to know because I had enough on my plate dealing with all of this. I love him so much. Now when I told my middle brother, his response was so typical him. He asked me if I wanted him to add “the monster” to his hit list. I laughed and said, "if he hasn't paid for what he had done to me in this life, he will be held accountable when he stands before God."

I graduated from therapy as of November of this past year. But if I ever need to talk all I need to do is call and he will fit me in. As I look back on these past 38 years of my life there are so many things I should have been more proud of for myself, but when you grow up looking in a mirror and seeing nothing looking back it's hard. Thankfully, now I can look in the mirror and I see me looking back. So I am getting to know who me is, the real me. Not the show I put on at work or when I meet new people. The genuine me. For so long I hid me far away because I didn't want to get hurt again, but I am now ready to let the real me shine through.

Before I was a victim and now I am a survivor... 

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