Thursday, February 2, 2012

Day 33 of 365

This has been an emotionally draining few days, but in the end I know I will feel stronger and someone that needed to hear my story will begin a new chapter in their own road to recovery.

My friend and I were talking about dreams today. The dreams we have when we are children. Most young girls dream about finding a husband and getting married and having a family but I never really had that dream for myself. I always dreamed of marrying someone famous, nothing realistic.

I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never been on a date,  never have had sex and I am 38 years old. I am not a lesbian either. I am sad scared little girl that is fighting to be free of a sentence I did not deserve.  A sentence to life in my own personal prison, trapped by the fear and the abuse caused by a sick man. I have spent  30+ years of my life in hiding. My therapist says I have a disconnect from my mind to my body. I know this is why I am the weight of two healthy adults. I hope and pray through this blog I am able to begin to tear down the wall I have built and reconnect with myself.

I know there are many of you that know me that are probably in shock...I can hear you saying, but she is so happy all of the time...but remember, most comedians are just as wounded but they use the funny side of life so they don't have to face the pain. So, I am ready to face the pain and get past it.

Before this I was a victim and now I am a survivor...
Musicsongbird