Showing posts from January, 2012

Day 31 of 365

In order for one to move forward in life, very often they must handle their past.  I have a past that I am dealing with head on. I truly believe God has given me a platform, here, where through my stories others can try and find peace and healing as well.

I have been dealing with depression for years and years. I believe it escalated when I moved to Florida because it was the first time I had truly lived on my own and a thousand miles from family.  I went through days of putting on the mask making magic for coworkers and guests and spent nights sad and lonely and driving my best friend crazy because he wanted to help but didn't know how. He kept suggesting talking to someone but I was too scared by the stigma of therapy and anti-depressants and the self pride of thinking I would get over it on my own. All I can say is Thank God he stayed by me and encouraged me because in July of 2009 I finally talked to my doctor and she introduced me to what I like to call my Happy Pills. :)

Day 30 of 365

All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.

                                                     Walt Disney  

         My favorite word is dream. The flower posted here is one of a lotus flower with the Chinese symbol for Dream. 
         If you don't know how a Lotus Flower grows, the plant has its roots firmly in the mud and sends out long stems to where their leaves are attached. Then the Lotus flowers always raise above the water.
         I know some will think, "isn't the lotus flower a Buddhist or Hindu symbol?" It is for Buddhists and Hindus, but for me it represents my life. There was a long time I felt like the lotus seed, buried deep below in the muck and mud of life. I finally feel like I am nearing the top of the water and blossom is going to burst above the surface and bloom into a beautiful dream.  

As January quickly comes to an end, 

let my journey to my dreams begin...

Day 29 of 365

When someone says they promise to keep a secret for you, when does it become ok for them to tell others? When someone speaks to someone else in confidence as long as it isn't something that could hurt someone else there is no reason for that person to tell anyone.
All it does is break the confidence that person felt, when they were compelled to share the secret with them. So how do you fix that confidence once someone destroys it? I guess only time will tell if you can rely on that person again.
love, peace and stay away from things fried in grease... Musicsongbird

Day 28 of 365

You  really don't know how you effect someone else's life right away. Well, as I type this I am thinking, "no duh," but then I had to think about it. Let me see if I can make this more clear.

Sometimes you meet someone or you have an interaction with them and you can see right away you have made an impact on them; whether by their speech or action. However, sometimes it can be very hard to read a person and their reaction to you later shows how you really were effected by you. This can be good or bad.

I guess this goes back to the whole first impression thing. As a trainer I try to always give a great first impression to my new trainees. Since everyone is different in their behavior it can really easy to read them or nearly impossible. It's the nearly impossible I am referring too.

I had this experience this week while training. My trainee was on the quiet side and so sometimes it was very hard to read her. There were many times I struggled to know if she was fee…

Day 27 of 365

My weekend is quickly coming to an end...Am I ready to go back to work tomorrow? Maybe if I get a great nights sleep tonight I will.

So the big observations I made today...
First, a note to all people with a cell phone. A public place, like a quiet restaurant, is not the place to be giving out your credit card number and expiration, phone number and address loudly over the phone. The woman at the table across the restaurant from us did this today. Had we been bad dishonest people we would have written down all of the information but we didn't. 

The second thing I learned was to have patience, trust and positive attitude. As you may or may not have read from my blog yesterday, my car was having some trouble. Well, we took it back this morning and dropped her off. About an hour or so later the service manager called to give me an up date and asked if it was ok to keep her longer. I smiled and said no problem.  True to his word he called me later on this afternoon to come pick my bab…

Day 26 of 365

What an interesting day. I spent the day with my best friend doing lots of normal stuff, like taking my car to the shop, breakfast, pickup my contacts, watched TV, then he went to lunch for a friends Birthday from work and I worked some more on my closet, then my car was ready so he took me to pick it up, dropped his car off at home, went to get him a haircut, went to the library for mom, went back to car place because check engine light is back on after driving 4 miles from home, went to pet store and bought nothing, went to $1 store and bought nothing, went to Manny's Chophouse and waited an hour for an amazing totally worth every minute steak and ribs meal.

And what did I learn today? I still have a ways to go before I truly like myself...but I have a great mom and best friend that are there for me through no matter what life throws at me. Its those quite moments in between the chaos of the days that we learn who we are and we learn who those who care about us most are.

Love, p…

Day 25 of 365

Is it really better to give than receive? 
I guess it depends on what you're giving, doesn't it? Is it better to give a cutting remark, or criticism, a dirty look, or gossip?  
Or what if you are on the receiving end of any of these? Is that better? 
Next time you decide to open your mouth stop and think if you would want to be on the receiving end of it.  That's one of the biggest problem have these days. When I was growing up we always heard if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all, but now you turn on the tv and negative is all you ever hear. This politician is bashing another to make him self look better? Or tv shows for teens and young adults show that the only way to succeed in life is knock down the person you believe stands in your way to happiness? No wonder there are so many problems in society today.
So maybe next time you will open your mind before you open your mouth.
Love, peace and stay away from things fried in grease

Day 24 of 365

We have all heard the saying don't sweat the small stuff right? I always hear about people having to get up in front of all of the higher ups in their companies and having to talk. And I hear how intimidating it is, and like them I had that experience today. I was invited to speak in front of a group of leaders about Safety today. I felt very honored to be included in this group and was very excited. As it got to be closer to today I started to over think it, like who would be there and what was I going to say and what if I'm not totally prepared?

But when I arrived at the meeting all of the faces that were there are managers and leaders I have worked with over the past four years. People I have dealt with on a professional and personal level. They were very happy to see me and excited to hear what I was going to be sharing with them.

Sometimes we worry so much about the possibilities of what may or may not happen, instead of looking forward to the experience.

Love, peace and …

Day 23 of 365

So, it's back to my journey...

Do you ever have those days that you wish you would have just stayed in bed? Where you just don't feel motivated to do anything? Well, I feel like I had one of those days today. When I feel this way I feel like I have failed in so many ways and I get down on myself...Actually I used. I believe sometimes our bodies and minds just know when we need a break from the norm. I guess that is how it was for me today.

Something I have been learning to do is listening to my body. Sometimes I don't think I listen hard enough. Like right now my eyes are slowly opening and closing and I am yawning quite frequently, but my brain is saying you can't let yourself down and so I continue to type. So, listen to you body...I am finally going to listen to mine.

Love, peace and stay away from things fried in grease...


Day 22 of 365

So this is going to be total off topic from my normal blogs, but this is something so magical that unless you were there you may think I am making this up. So I was training some amazing girls today and we took a trip to the front of the park so they could see where they will be trained in a few weeks.  We were laughing and joking with some of the other cast and having a good time.  It was a bit after six so it was getting sort of dark andI turned to one of the other trainers and said,

"Man it's getting dark, why aren't the lights on yet?"When she replied, "I don't know, I have been having to call maintenance everyday to turn them on,"

So I replied, "Leave it to me.." and as I clapped my hands and said, "Clap on." The lights in the front of the park sprung to life.

One of my trainees then burst out with, "She really is magical!"

The other trainer said, "It's 6:08 so that is totally crazy." And we all laughed a…

Day 21 of 365

This has been a crazy week. All of my days are mixed up so instead of working today, I was home with mom.

So, today I decided I should start tearing apart the mess of my closet. It's funny because the first 5 things I pulled out weren't even mine, so that lightened the load slightly, very slightly. Now half of what was in my closet is now out in my room. Why do we insist on keeping things we haven't seen in months and sometimes years out of fear that we will need it at some later time in the future? So, I am going through all of those maybes and letting them go if I don't have an immediate plan for them.

Sometimes letting go of the past is what is going to help us into a better future.

Love, Peace and stay away from things fried in grease...

Day 20 of 365

Wow, I can't believe I have made it this far. Tomorrow will be three weeks since I began this challenge. I find myself really looking forward to this everyday. It's my time to stop and reflect on the day and sit back and look at myself a little bit more. Be a little more introspective.

I know I have said several times how much I love the team I am on, but it bears repeating. I don't believe I would be the trainer I am, if it weren't for the support of my fellow trainers, my coordinators and my leader. The diversity of our team truly allows me to be the wacky crazy insane one. We are like an extra large boy band. We have the quiet ones, the loud one (me), the young one, the tough ones, and the super sweet ones. And I know even when we all disagree, we all still trust each other and can rely on each other.

I hope for any of you reading you have someone or a group of someones you can rely on. I truly believe you can't get anywhere in life and find happiness if you don…

Day 19 of 365

So the weirdest thing happened today. I was driving home and a car next to me honked to get my attention. Now this is not uncommon people do it all the time to ask for directions, I mean I live in a tourist town, but this time it was different. I turned and rolled down my window and the gentleman in the next vehicle said, "I'm sorry to bother you but I just want to know you are beautiful." I guess all of my blogging and self coaching is working because I responded with a simple thank you. He asked my name and I asked his, Raphael. Then the light changed and I continued on my way.  So, who ever you are Raphael, thank you. As I continued home I got a little chocked up. I have heard it from friends and family before only to think, you have to say that you're family, but this was a complete stranger. Of course the inner me, the scared little girl, is saying he didn't mean it, I'm not special. But as I have been learning through therapy and my health coach, people…

Day 18 of 365

Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but its everything in between that 

A friend posted this on their FB page today. It really hit me because I have been thinking about starting something new lately and it scares me... The fear or failure is probably the biggest fear we all face... But unless we face that fear we can never experience anything new. But starting new also means saying goodbye to the old as well. Sometimes its hard to let go but unless you let go you can't move forward. 
In the end the ups and downs, the good time and bad all help shape us into who we are and it is all worth it. 
Love, Peace and stay away from things friend in grease. 

Day 17 of 365

I know we all have one person we think this about, but have you ever thought someone else thinks this about YOU?

For those of you like me who suffer from PSE (poor self-esteem) we need to realize that we are special. I know I have been pounding this for the past few days, I guess I've just needed to hear it myself.

I know the past few days have been short but sometimes short and sweet is better than long a drawn out.

Love, peace and stay away from things fried in grease


Day 16 of 365

Most people would read this and think I am referring to others, but in actuality I am talking about myself. I feel like I constantly judge myself by my own appearance. Maybe someday my dream will come true and I can just be content being me.

The mirror only tells half the story...Honestly most people that really want to get to know you aren't looking at the outside package but the one on the inside. The side mirror can't see.

Don't get me wrong,  I'm not saying I want to give up on the outer me, but I have to really be ok about the inner me as well.

Love, peace and stay away from things fried in grease...

Day 15 of 365

Love and Inspiration ~ If we open our hearts and ask for Him to guide us, HE will lead us where HE wants us... even when you do not feel worthy, keep in mind Gods does the most wonderful things with the most humble ~

I found this fantastic quote on Facebook posted by a friend. 

I had a situation with a friend tonight and I thought of this quote as I was driving home. When my friend called I didn't hesitate to jump to their aid, even though I am sick with a sinus infection, it didn't matter. I knew they needed me and that's all that mattered. I'm not trying to pat myself on the back but explain how it is with God. When we call out to Him, He doesn't ask you a hundred questions first or tell you he is to busy. 

I truly believe God puts us places to be a help or support  to others, we just don't always realize it. But like the quote says If we open our hearts He will use us. I know many people that feel like they are unneeded or unworthy but what they don't reali…

Day 14 of 365

I'm sure I have brought this up before but it bears repeating... For those of you that struggle with PSE (Poor Self Esteem) like myself I am sure you know what it is like when someone gives you a genuine compliment, and what is your initial reaction? You are like...noooo you don't mean that or you don't know how to respond. I am going to tell you how to handle this...

Repeat after me...Thank you

Yes I am serious. It's just that simple. It make take a few times but it gets easier. People don't normally compliment you for no reason and if they do it's ok. We have to learn that we deserve the kindness of others and appreciation. The reason I said this is a co-worker of mine gave me a really nice compliment today, actually more than once and the old me would have pushed the compliment aside and part of me still wanted to, but then I said thank you and then one of the new cast members told the other trainer and I that we were the best trainers ever and that really m…

Day 13 of 365

Getting sick sucks in so many ways...The coughing up things in a panorama of color, the nose the switched from stuffy to runny and back again, the feeling a cat is laying on your chest even when you are standing up. (that would be a cool trick) The constant temperature change from hot to freezing.

But the up side is you get to snuggle in bed, eat yummy things like soup and you get this really cool hot voice cuz your so congested. lol! So, obviously this all explains me and what I am going through but I am trying to make the most of it and muddle through.

So, I am drinking plenty of fluids and trying to stick to the healthy foods (like I should be anyway) and now I am off to get some more well needed rest.

Love, Peace and stay away of things friend in grease!

Day 12 of 365

Friends make everything better. This is going to be short and sweet because I spent too much time on the phone tonight with someone short and sweet. One of my bff's that live out of state, we shall call her Schmoopie. She and I have known each other for almost 20 years and it doesn't matter if its been ten days or ten months we always have something to talk about even if something is really nothing by outsiders standards. This is the friend that will let you listen when you need a shoulder and won't judge even if it's the same thing you complained about the last 10 times you called. She is also that friend that you can have a 20 minute conversation talking with a funny accent and making up silly stories and you both see that as bonding time not a waste of time. 
A good laugh or cry never really hurt anyone, especially if there is a close friend laughing along or just telling you it's ok just let it out. 
Have a great night~
Love, peace and don't eat things fried i…

Day 11 of 365

It's the end of the work week and what an interesting week it has been, but I am looking forward to some me time this weekend. Some time to rest and show myself I matter and that I am a priority.

Sometimes when you stop and listen to what others have to say and you stay silent so you can hear them you will not only learn about them but you will learn about yourself. Did you know there is a  difference between hearing and listening? Hearing is one of the 5 senses, that's what I learned on the Figment ride at least. ;)  Hearing is what are ears are used for so when we hear something we can properly respond. But listening is much different. When you hear someone speak, does that also mean you are listening to them?? No... Hearing is a passive activity, but listening is active. When you stop and listen you are purposefully stopping and paying attention, you aren't letting your mind or your mouth run ahead,

So this week forward I am going to practice listening...

Love and Peace…

Day 10 of 365

I woke up this morning to a million thoughts in my head. One of them being how much we put a priority on others and their problems and needs but we don't make our needs and problems and just our own well being a priority. The classic movie example is the mom in "The Christmas Story." Grown up Ralphie even comments that he didn't think his mom had ever had a hot meal because she was always taking care of everyone else.

I know we are all guilty of this now and then but some of us bring unprioritizing ourselves to a higher level. Yeah, I made that word but think about it. When we stop making ourselves a priority so will everyone else. For me it has been this way as long as I can remember. I am always the one taking care of everyone else. Always the peacemaker, caregiver, planner, gift giver... I was always doing for others that I never gave anyone the opportunity to try and do for me. (does this make sense?)

We all of this innate desire to care for others and want to be…

Day 9 of 365

There are just so many excuses for not writing today, I'm really tired, it's late I should get to bed, nothing major really happened today or I can't think of what to write...but none of them matter. I made a commitment to writing every day and that is what I intend to do. I may struggle with my weight loss, who doesn't, or saving money like I should but this I am going to stick to.

If I can commit to this I can commit to anything, even my weight loss journey and saving money. What I am trying to learn is that I matter. I know I make a difference in others lives, they have told me, but what is hard to believe is that I matter to me. I spend so much of my life making everyone else happy and doing for others that I forget to take care of me and make sure I am happy.

So, try and find some me time for yourself today like I did. Whether it's writing in a journal or reading or listening to your favorite song, matter to yourself...

Love, peace and stay away from things fr…

Day 8 of 365

Another glorious day in Florida. I love observing life around me, in case you couldn't tell. I love seeing how things progress and change. It makes me so sad to see people that don't try and expand themselves past what they know and see on a regular basis. One of my managers was telling about a cast member he worked with at Animal Kingdom that was giving directions to a guest. The guest asked if there were any roller coasters in their park? She told them no and was going to send them on their way, when my manager stepped in a informed the guest that there was indeed a roller coaster in the park. When the guest left for the ride the cast member tried to argue. She said since when do we have a roller coaster and he told her for about the past 6 months. She then announced that she has worked for the company for 17 years and has never used her ID to visit any of the parks. We all sort of laughed at the story but this is truly a sad tale if you think about it. For 17 years this wom…

Day 7 of 365

Today was a pretty slow day. I trained a new trainer class and really wasn't feeling like myself. I guess it's just my "Monday" blues. So not really anything to say. But I am taking the time to write even though I just don't want to...Weighed in for my spark team challenge and was just disappointed. Really felt like I did well this week only to have a gain but then I started feeling sick t later and realized it was water weight :) yeah!!!!! I am doing good! So look on the bright side of everything!

Well nite

Day 6 of 365

What an incredible day!
Yesterday Mom brought up to BFF and I that the Manatees are in their winter home at Blue Spring State Park so we decided to get up early this morning to go and see these beautiful gentle giants. As we sat and watched them it just blew my mind.

It really made me think about the fact that these kind animals have no natural predators except man. We are the most dangerous creature to them. I became so aware how our thoughtlessness out in their waters could damage these wonderful animals. The scars they all bare on their skin from the thoughtless boat drivers reminded me of the scars so many of us have on the inside from the words and looks of thoughtless people. Both of these scars and injuries can be prevented if we only watch where we are going on the water and how we travel through our lives in the way we treat others. Just something to keep in mind.

So Love, peace and don't eat things fried in grease!

Day 5 of 365

Well, today started out with breakfast out with my mom and my BFF, he will from now forward be referred to as such,  at Cracker Barrel. It was a very enjoyable time and then we headed for a morning of shopping. This is when the morning started to go downhill and this is also when I totally could have lost any progress on my year of therapy and my new mind set about the new me. Drama ensued with miss communication between BFF and I and tears were shed but thankfully forgiveness was asked for and given and all was happy and magical once again. He then asked if I wanted to go clothes shopping because Lane Bryant was having a 60% off sale and I received many gift cards for Christmas. Now if you have read any of my previous blogs you may or may not know I have a slight issue with my body image. I have a very strong personality when you meet me in person but when I have to look at myself I don't like what I see physically and I am sure I am not alone. So when he asked I said No, then he…

Day 4 of 365

I had a fantastic day! I love the team I work with! They are such a fantastic group.

It is too cold to be Florida so this will be short and sweet tonight so I can bundle up in my bed and catch some well deserved zzzz's.

Have a snuggly evening!

Day 3 of 265

A late end to another day. I just finished my secret Santa's gift. I knew as I had promised I couldn't go to bed until I had written. Nothing real exciting today except I had an amazing conversation with my boss. This is the first job I have had where I feel like I matter. Where my boss tells me I am doing an amazing job. That is part of the reason I get up every day and go to work. Because someone has told me I make a difference. We may not always realize it right off but the little things we see as insignificant in our lives can really touch some one else.

Learn to tell someone you appreciate them when they do something to help you. Let someone know they make a difference. And finally, be able to except a compliment, if it's hard for you to do that then just say thank you and leave it at that....

Too your health... thanks for reading

Day 2 of 365

We start yet another beautiful day. Thankfully no falling lamps, actually it was a fairly uneventful morning. In fact it was a nice day of traveling around work talking with my fellow cast members and leaders laughing and learning new things together. Doesn't that sound just too magical? :)

The real excitement happened when I got home this evening and my Mom decided that we needed to bring in all of her plants from outside do to the impending freeze. We scurried in and out of the house bringing in all of the plants and then sat down to quality t.v. and Facebook games. When one of my beloved fur babies decided she wanted to climb on the bookshelf in the kitchen. Remember my theme from yesterday? Well, she too believe the plant would look much better on the ground and I was once again sweeping and cleaning up a broken flower pot. Everyone, even the plant, was o.k. despite a few broken branches and my mom and learned that the four season room was a much better home for the plants.

I …

Day 1 of 365

Well, out with the old and in with the new! That's what we say when a new year begins right? Well, last night I did a bedroom makeover and this morning in my newly made over room I reached for my alarm and knocked my lamp off the shelf where it fell to a resounding crash. So, as I was cleaning up the shattered lamp my first thought was, out with the old and in with the new. Well, in honor of my broken lamp I am going to do the same with my thoughts and my weight battle, out with the old and in with the new.

So I am going to track  my daily journey. Highs and lows and ins and outs every day for the next 364 days and so next January 1 we will all be better self loving and healthier people for it. So here we go...

A Packer win was also celebrated today!!!

Have a magical night!