Saturday, June 3, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 24 #JoinMyJourney

Mom and I ran into a sweet an aquaintance last week that we haven't scene in quite some while and she gave mom some huge compliments on she is looking and then she commented I was looking well as well, even though I don't feel like I am looking that great quite honestly but that is just me... Well she asked how I was doing and I said, I am trying, I am really trying and she said sometimes when you stop trying so hard and just be good to your body good things happen...

So lets all take that advice and start begin better to our bodies... We to try and stop puttin so much garbage into our bodies all of the time, now and then is ok, but not all of the time. I have said it before and maybe I just need to keep reminding myself... I can do this, I can be healthier both inside and out...

Maybe the next time we run into each other, I will start seeing those same changes she is seeing in me as well...

Musicsongbird

Friday, June 2, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 23 #JoinMyJourney

I have been having some internal turmoil over some things I have overheard recently and it just bothered me and I need to vent... I have been at my job for almost 10 years and it still frustrates me to know end when someone makes a comment that they are going to find a "REAL" job or a "GROWN UP" job... I'm sorry? Can someone please explain to me what constitutes either of these "JOBS"? Is the place I go to every day and clock in and earn a living at not really a JOB? Am I required to certain amount of money before it actually means I have a job? Because if that is the case the US government owes me a whole lot of money back in taxes I have paid out for my make believe job. Actually for all of my make believe jobs that I have worked since I was 16 years old.

I know just how the conversation would go:
Um, hi yes IRS person I would like all of my taxes I have paid to the US government back for the past 27 years minus the 2 years I worked that office job but I don't know if that was a real job either because I was just a secretary then...so if you could just find out for me what the definition of a "REAL JOB" is I will happily take whatever taxes back from the make believe jobs I have worked that don't require taxes to be paid on those...

Then after they stop laughing, hopefully they won't have me thrown in an insane asylum or arrested because I am trying to scam the government....

For those of you that have never had to work in customer service, retail, fast food, theme park, hotel and hosptitality or any other job that doesn't pay you a bonus for showing up every day while others work their butts off to make you look good, then consider yourself blessed... But guess what, what I do to earn a living is just as much of a real job as yours is... What would you do if you walked into Moe's and there was no one to yell, "Welcome to Moe's!" Or no one showed up at the gas station to make sure their was gas in the pumps? What if all of these people that work these "non REAL" jobs decided to stay home because they were told their jobs didn't matter?

Thankfully I know better, and I know that my job is a grown up job, I just get to do it in a very magical place, where growing old my be mandatory or growing up is optional... The people that feel as though they need to find what they call a "REAL" job are just feeling like they can't live on what they make or they are waisting their talents. But what they forget is when they make comments like that, it can hurt others around them...

You see, words matter... What you say can hurt so much... And once they are out there you can't take them back... Once they are said there is no erase button, there is no delete... I can delete this blog entry but if you have read it, you will probably remember something of it... I can't remove that from your memory...

It's like people saying I wish my life were different, I'm not who I used to be... None of us are; unless we are still living in the past... We move forward in life and we change, hopefully for the better... We move on to new things... We create new goals and dreams for ourselves... If we don't then we will constantly find ourselves staring in the rear view mirror of life watching what happened in the past... Wishing what could have been... While our life just passes us by...

Stop looking at whats behind you and look for what is infront of you and what is coming... If you don't think the future is bright enough, do something to change it... If you don't like your circumstances... change them...

If you don't like how people talk to you, then stand up for yourself or stay silent and expect the same treatment until you do...

I have my real, grown up job, and it's in a world of fantasy and make believe and I won't change it for anything...thanks IRS for clearing that up... ;)

musicsongbird

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 22 #JoinMyJourney

If you have nver suffered from headaches or any aches and pains in general than count yourself blessed... For those that are plagued with body pain or migraines I feel for you... I too suffer from migraines, not on a regular basis like many friends and family members but on a semi regular basis... Mine are usually brought on by triggers such as food, environment such as too much smoke or other allergans and extreme stress like the one that took over my system yesterday...

What started out as what most would consider just a typical headache quickly excalated in one of the worst migraines I can remember in my entire life... Some may ask what have you been eating? What has the weather been like? But I will tell you that I know that this was 100% a stress powered migraine... I have been carrying around so much stress over the past month that this was sadly inevidilbe for me... I had no other outlet... well probably not true but at the end of every day I was so exhausted that there was no outlet to relieve the stress and it got to the point that my poor body had no other release...

The pain was so excrutiating that it was nearly impossible to even fall asleep... I thought it was going to drive me to the bathroom but nothing would break the pain... I was sweating so bad, I had never expreienced it this intense... I think I fell asleep from sheer exhaustian and awoke after 3 hours...

If you have never had a severe headache, I usually suffer from what I call headache hangover... I feel afraid to eat anything big, I generally stick to toast and water... Sadly this goes on for most of the following day... I just don't feel right...

So if you know someone who sufferes from pain or you are the one that suffers silently, I pray you have support from family or friends because it can be rough... Thankfully I have medication that I take to so I don't have more regular occurances of these horrible happenings... Now I just need to find away to make more time for stress relief for myself, so I don't have to face another day like that...

musicsongbird

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 21 #JoinMyJourney

I wish there was a magic wand that I could wave and all of my mixed emotions would just go away... I guess that is why I got my peace tattoo on my wrist... It isn't magic but it is a good reminder of when I start to feel overwhelmed that I need to try and find peace... Sometimes, I can just stop and look at it, sometimes I simply press it and I just focus on it and pray... There is so much going on with work for me right now and this week especially and I know I am going to really be going to be focusing on it quite a bit... 

The same thing goes for when I become disappointed about something or someone... Try as I may in not feeling sad about something they did or didn't do I try and focus on God's peace and knowing He will get me through it and even though that person may have let me down, God won't ever...

I guess I am just a bundle of emotions right now and need to find my peace...

musicsongbird

Friday, May 12, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 20 #JoinMyJourney

A new day is here and the sun rose and the birds sang and I managed get outside and enjoy the day... We went to a local Blueberry farm and picked fresh blueberries, infact we picked over 9 pounds of them... So I guess my blogging/venting really helped me last night because that wasn't all I did today... I came home and napped afterward... LOL  OK that really isn't any different than most of my weekends but when I got up I wasn'twearing my pajamas... wait a minute... it's not what you think... I wasn't wearing them when I layed down for the nap to start with... Nope, not sounding any better... OK, rewind... What is "normal" around my home is go out for Friday errands and when we come home it out of regular clothes and into pajamas... Well today, I left my regular clothes on and when the nap was over it was up and out the door for groceries and then when we returned home it wasn't into PJs and straight to the couch... Nope, I can hardly believe it myself, but I actually went out and helped do some work in the yard... 

Honestly, I am not sure who I am at this moment or if I am dreaming but I acctually put my laundry in the machine and then grabbed the weed wacker and went out to the yard and started working for a good half hour... Then when all was said and done outside, I came inside and made us breakfast for dinner... We had gluten free blueberry pancakes made with FRESH handpicked blueberries... They were outstanding!

Now as I sit here typing away and look back at the day, I hope I can have many more days like this... Where at the end of the day, I am tired, but good tired and my tummy is full from good healthy things... And my mind is feeling somewhat at peace... 

There are still things going on that I must face, but if I take them a moment at a time, I think it will be that much easier...  If I look at each issue like I take on picking blueberries, I think things will go much better... I know I have your attention... When you reach in to pick from a blueberry bush you have to be very mindful, you don't just rush in and grab everything all at once like when they cut off bundles of grapes... With blueberries you have to pay attention to the color... On one single stem, even in a bundle of  blueberries their can be many berries in various stages of ripening... You could have a blossom that has yet to develop a berry, a white/green one, a green and redish one, a red/blue one or if you get it just right, a deep blue one...  You want to try and pick the darker berries, because like the saying goes, "The darker the berry the sweeter the juice." 

So, if I pay attention to each problem and choose to handle them in the right order and in the right way, I won't get over zealous and end up with a hand full of sour berries... Now is this a fool proof plan? No, because I am only human and even I grab an off color sour berry now and then, but I know right away when I do because I get a bad taste in my mouth and it shows me that I need to change my behavior and be more careful or more mindful when I get off track... 

Before now, no do overs like before, no starting over, we just keep moving forward from where we are... And hope that we learn from our past mistakes or atleast take something with us along the way that will remind us not to repeat those past errors...

musicsongbird

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 19 #JoinMyJourney

Long time no write... Out of town guests and unwanted illness have invaded my life over the past month... Not that I haven't wanted to share but not had the strength from day to day sometimes...Sometimes it's physical strength and sometimes it's honestly mental.... Just making it through work and making it home when you are not feeling yourself is hard enough...

So much has been happening and so much to say, but still feeling like something is holding me back... Part of it is things I can't officially share yet and part of it is I feel like I am repeating things I have written before, the same old same old... The I filled my mind and the page with promises and nowI have failed on those and now I feel like I am just spewing the same thing again about, now here I am at the beginning of a journey...

Well guess what? I started to climb up the hill to better health and I got to a place where I thought I was doing ok and I hit a bump and rolled back down the hill past where I started... Now I am covered in bruises and cuts (all mental) and I am feeling down on myself because I look in the mirror at myself and I see someone looking back at me that I don't like looking at... Even less than I did 3 months ago...

The goal then was to go off Gluten and Night shade. Well that lasted about a month and then visitors came and I happily jumped off the wagon and have been hoping back on and off since never being able to fully jump back on... However, the good thing is that here at home,  we have cut back on starches with our meals and added a LOT more Veggies!!!! And while I have cut downon my bread intake, when I do have I tend to over indulge... So while there are so positives, there are many negatives that are out weighing them...

Now I am not looking for sympathy but more solidarity because there is strength in numbers, and if I know there are others who are struggling in the same manormaybe we can face this together... I have been sick for about 6 weeks or so with sinus issues and what have you and I am still struggling some with breathing but it's getting better and so exercising for any length of time is laborous right now... But the ultimate goal is to get active again...

So whether you are a silent observer or an active part of the conversation, I encourage you to join in on this continuing journey with me... We are here to encourage, not discourage and remember, before starting any kind of health change or exercise program, talk with your doctor!!!

musicsongbird

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 18 #JoinMyJourney

It's been a bit since my last post and I was basically off Gluten except for a few bights here and there... That is until last weeks vacation... Alot of friends were asking how I was feeling and I thought I was doing pretty good, but I wasn't quite sure to what extent... Well I decided since I was on vacation, that meant it was going to be a foodie free for all... Well, guess what... Brain fog came rolling back in, the tiredness creeped back in and my tingly fingers were a little tinglier... I'm not saying it was like I had none of those symptoms and than BAM, they were back... I am saying I noticed a difference in how I felt being off Gluten for a month and then when I was eating it again...

So may be sceptical and that is fine, but I feel like I pay more attention to what my body is telling me now than I did before... I want to be better... I be healthier and have energy and not get migraines, which I ended the week with a mild one...

Now on to something else that has been laying on my heart for a few weeks and I need to get rid of it so I can move on... I will sane in my life that may it now and than that is that... I had a situation a few weeks ago where so one thoughtlessly said something to me that really hurt me... It hurt me on so many levels but most of all because this person is very close to me and they don't think what they said is wrong... And they are unappologetic for it... But I will forgive them regardless because it's who I am and I love them enough to do so... And I refuse to carry this around any longer...

I won't go into detail as to why they said what they said but in the end, they retorted with, "Well, you aren't a Parent." At that point I stopped them and made a few points, which I will not share the privacy of that moment but I will share this... People that use that phrase need to seriously think before they ever speak... Those are some of the most hurtful things in the world a person can say depending on the recipient... And at the point in time, it tore my heart out and I will admit it still hurts thinking about it... You see, I do bring up the fact that I was molested as a child from time to time, but the older I get the more I realize what that truly does to diffrerent people... And when this person i love very much said that too me, it brought up so many things in my life that I thought I had already dealt with...

Some people that have battled the memories of abuse go from one relationship to the next, hoping to fill that space that the person took from them... The innocence they stole... For me, I built a wall around myself... I used food to build my body up as a shelter, so that no one would find me attrative or appealing and that way I could avoid contact... To avoid intamacy... Being around certain men still make me extremely nervous, I don't know why, it's my bodies natural reaction... Internally I feel like cowering away... Does this sound like a person ready to jump into bed and make a baby???

You see, I may not have ever given birth, but I have helped raise a child or two in my life... I have hundreds of "babies" through work that call me their Mama... Actually 10 years worth... I have even received a mother's day card or two, and not just from my 5 cats...

So yes, I forgive them...

musicsongbird

moving forward...